E.S.Sayde was born in the small town of Yes in 0 A.S. (After Sayde) to the Countess Veronica Tamsen Booth Hampshire and her imaginary childhood friend (who had fallen on hard times and was dossing on the couch). After making a fortune patenting the colour blue and inventing the dinosaur, Sayde retired a multimillionaire at the age of seven-and-three-quarters to focus on his hobbies. He was instrumental in the founding of several charitable organisations, including a scientific institute dedicated to once and for all establishing whether tits or ass are more important and a pressure group that campaigned for the extension of slavery to everyone who didn't have a knighthood. During this time he also produced several new inventions, including the Auto-loom, the Sprucketting Bobby and the steam-powered quill. Alas, these were disastrous failures and Sayde was left almost bankrupt by the tender age of eleven. Horrified by the prospect of actually having to get a job he cobbled together a time machine and headed for the future where, he was assured, everyone would have pretty much got this whole 'living' thing sorted out. He now lives in a pigeon loft with three of the four muses of pornography with whom he splits the rent. He enjoys long walks on the beach and people who send him lots of money.