Chapter 5
The next morning, well before sunrise, Severus and Bethany got up and had breakfast together. The moon had almost set and Severus could hear the lovely piping of the birds that Bethany had told him had the sweetest voices. It was a very calm morning and the two lovers were mostly silent. Now and again, they held hands or moved closer to touch each other. They had to say a goodbye that would hold them over for a whole week. First, though, Severus slipped into his sleeping daughter's bedroom and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She stirred but didn't awaken.
“I'll see you Friday, Darling,” he whispered. Then he told her he loved her and crept back out of the room.
Now it was time to say farewell to Bethany, whose eyes were red and bleary. She hugged him and wouldn't let him go.
“You know I'll be back soon. Why are you so sad?”
“I just don't think one weekend is enough to make up for three years apart.”
“Of course not. But a lifetime is. And that's how long I'm going to spend with you.”
“I'll be counting the weekends until Summer break,” she said with a warning tone.
“I will too,” he replied.
After one last, long kiss, Severus departed.
He had never known a more miserable week of school than this one. He was more grim, demanding, and disciplinary than usual. All his students wondered why. They were used to his authoritarianism, but now he was simply harsh. He lashed out at them every chance he could get. If he had to be dejected, his students might as well suffer with him. Severus kept looking at the clock, checking the hours, which far too slowly turned into looking at the days and counting them down.
By Friday, he was gone again. Severus was worried how Bethany's confrontation with her parent's had gone. Yet now he was at least relieved of the stress of teaching and on his way to see his True Love and his child.
He was greeted at the cottage by a little girl in tears, and a mother whose concern seemed to fade to relief at the sight of him. Severus picked up Vi and holding her, asked her what was the matter. She wouldn't stop crying.
Bethany explained. “She was just confused. She thought when you showed up last Friday, you were staying for good. When she woke up on Monday and you were gone, she started crying and she's been upset all week long. She was worried that the Evil Wizard had captured you for a second time. I told her that couldn't happen ever again and that you were at work teaching all week. She didn't understand what work or school meant. And she doesn’t understand why you would want to teach other children rather than her. I told her she was too young to go to school yet, but she wanted to go just to be with you anyway. A week is a long time when you're two and a half. I said you'd be back today but she thought you'd be here when she woke up. She was afraid you weren't coming back so she's been crying again.”
“A week was a lot longer than I expected too,” he said, sympathetically. He lifted Vivienne up in the air. “Daddy was sad all week because he missed Mommy and Vi.”
Vivienne smiled. Then she looked pouty and said, “Daddy, don't leave anymore.”
This almost broke Severus's heart. He looked to Bethany for help.
She sighed, shaking her head, and left the explanation up to him.
“Daddy has to go to work just like Mommy does when she goes into the forest. But Daddy's work is far, far away in a magical castle. I work with the World's Greatest Wizard who needs me to be there to help teach all those children. Daddy owes a lot to the Great Wizard because he helped me escape the Evil Wizard. Without his help, Daddy couldn’t have come back to you. Plus my work for him is very important and I can't leave it even to stay here. But in a few weeks I will have all Summer to stay with Mommy and you.”
Vivienne clapped her hands for joy and Severus set her down. They all went inside and Bethany told Vi to go play in her room for a while because she had to talk to Daddy. After Vi had gone upstairs, Bethany sat down heavily at the kitchen table. She hadn't even hugged Severus yet. She put her head in her hands.
He ventured a guess, “Your parents?”
She nodded.
“How bad is it?”
“Well, they saw how upset Vi was that you had left and that didn't sit well. They think you shouldn't be coming and going like that. 'It's unstable and will give her a sense of insecurity,' my father said. By the way, they still think you support You-Know-Who and that I am a fool to take you back.”
“Well, they can think what they want.”
“It's not what they think that bothers me so much as what they can do?”
Severus looked at her quizzically.
“They are going to try to take Vivienne away from me,” she choked.
“What! They can't do that.”
“Yes, they can. If they can prove that I have put her in danger by letting a Death Eater into her life, then they can declare me an unfit mother. Grandparents have more rights now than they used to. They can take her away and raise her. They say that they will if I don't make sure you never come near Vivienne again.”
“This is ridiculous! I was cleared of all charges by the Wizengamot. I have Dumbledore to back me up. I became a spy on You-Know-Who for Dumbledore, at obvious great personal risk, before the end. I tried to go back to your house to tell your parents all that a year after I first went there to find you, but they had already moved to Germany by that time.”
“Well, that's good news,” Bethany said sincerely. “If the Wizengamot cleared you and Dumbledore vouches for you then I don't think they have a case. Oh, thank god!”
She got up from her chair and went to Severus, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him repeatedly. They were both still tense but felt some relief. Neither of them wanted to have to fight with Bethany's parents and put Vivienne in the middle of it.”
“I'll talk to them tonight,” Bethany said.
She did so by way of fireplace. Afterwards Severus asked how it had gone.
“They weren't very happy about the situation, especially since I referred them to where they could get all the papers of your dropped charges, and how to contact Dumbledore for a personal endorsement. They threatened not to come around while you are here in the Summer.”
“That suits me just fine,” said Severus, rather smugly.
“I agree if all they're going to do is make trouble,” Bethany replied. “Still I hope that they will come around eventually if only for the sake of harmony in Vi's family.”
That night in bed, after Severus and Bethany had made love for the second time, he began thinking about Bethany's parent's attitude and how it would adversely affect Vivienne. While cuddled up, Severus remembered being in Bethany's bed at her old home and how he had once been a welcome member of the family. He told Bethany how he was feeling.
“I really messed things up for us back then, didn't I?” he said wearily.
“Well, it was far from ideal at the time. I know it was more extreme then most couples' problems. But see. It's turned out all right. Look at the place that we live and remember the kind of guardians Vi has watching over her. I am extremely happy with our little family, where I am living, and what I'm working towards. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else.”
“Yes, but imagine this. We could be married now. Your parents could think that I am good for you, like they used to. There could be no split between Vi and her grandparents. We could have not missed out on three whole years of each other's lives. I could have been with you when you were pregnant, to feel our baby move and see her birth. I could have watched her grow up.”
When Severus had said 'feel our baby move' he had laid his hand gently on Bethany's bare belly. He imagined for a moment what it would be like ripe with his child inside. Then he remembered something that in the excitement and the impatience of the last two weeks he had forgotten.
“Uh-oh,” he said, looking nervous and perplexed.
“What?” Bethany said, mildly alarmed.
“We forgot the potion again. I didn't even think to bring it last week because I was just so excited to be seeing you and I didn't know how our relationship stood. This past week I have been counting down the hours while trying to focus on teaching. I didn't remember the potion at all because it's been so long since we've needed it.”
He looked at Bethany, who seemed surprisingly calm. She kissed his mouth very tenderly. Her lips were warm and soft. Then she drew away, lying back down.
“So you're worried I might be pregnant again with your child?”
She said it so silkily, with seductive eyes, that Severus thought about the idea in a whole new light. His child. Bethany could be pregnant again with his child. It made the whole thought seem less enormous and frightening.
“Why are you worried? It's not like when we were teenagers and a baby would have caused negative ramifications in our lives at school, at home, in our relationship, in our finances, in our careers, and in our plans for the future. We already have one child and we're settled as adults. I don't see why we don't have room for another. So long as we don't get carried away and have too many for us to support and keep track of, I would love to carry your children. And think, this time you could be there for the whole process.”
“That does sound nice, doesn't it?” he said dreamily.
“Uh-huh,” she beamed.
“How many children are we talking about?” Severus asked with a little quaver of nervousness.
“Sounds like two is enough for you,” she laughed. “That seems like a good number to me too.”
“In that case,” Severus said sliding his body up next to hers. “Let's make love and just see what happens.”
He took her in his arms and kissed her. The kiss lasted a long time as he thought about the possible significance of what they were about to do. Finally, he aligned his body with hers and entered her for the third time that night. He began moving slowly, as he thought about how often they came together like this. No doubt she'd be pregnant within a month.
Summer arrived and Severus came to the cottage to spend the season. It was actually two months before Bethany set Severus aside, smiling, and told him that she was pregnant. His heart thundered but also shot up to the stars as the reality of it hit him. Since it was currently mid-July, they guessed the conception date to be sometime in June. Severus had been right, though they hadn’t known it at the time. It had only taken a month for Bethany to become pregnant. They told Vivienne that she was going to have a little brother or sister in about February. Vivienne had only heard fairy-tales about brothers and sisters and had little real experience with other children. So Bethany explained that the baby would be a playmate for her when it was older. Vi liked the sound of that. Then she started asking all those baby questions that parents dread answering. They told her she would get all her answers in time but for now to watch for Mommy's belly to grow big like the moon grows.
The three of them spent the summer joyfully together and Severus was very sad to leave for school again when Fall came. But he and Bethany had come to the conclusion that unicorns and magical forests are good for children and pregnant women. They were decidedly better for mother and children than a dark, often chilly dungeon like the one Severus abode in during the school year. There was also no room for all of them in his chambers at Hogwarts and Severus wasn't sure how the Headmaster would feel about a professor moving his entire family into the school. Besides, the winters were much milder in the Black Forest than at Hogwarts. Since the baby was due in February, they agreed that the climate in south Germany was better for a newborn.
Bethany protested Severus going back to Hogwarts at all. But he had not turned in his resignation and he had no idea what he could do to earn money while living in the Black Forest. He swore that they would work it out somehow. Perhaps after her five year study was over, they could compromise on a place to live that gave them both work. They had a year and a half left to find such a place.
Severus had been disappointed that Bethany wasn't showing yet when he went back to Hogwarts. However, he visited every weekend and slowly saw her start to blossom. By Vivienne's third birthday, which was conveniently on a weekend, Bethany was in bloom. She was rosy and lit with the glow that pregnant women often have. Her belly was five months along and showing nicely. Severus and Vivienne often put their ears to it to listen to the baby's heartbeat.
Severus made Vi's birthday as special as he could for a girl who lives in a magical forest filled with unicorns. He brought fireworks, candy, and presents. Severus performed magic for her. First, he conjured a bunch of wildflowers for her by saying 'Orchideous' with a quick movement of his wand. Severus made sure not to leave Bethany out. He created a large, milky white moonflower for her to wear behind her ear at their little party. Then Severus took the wildflowers he had given Vi and turned each one into a beautiful butterfly. Vivienne clapped her hands and laughed the way only an excited child can. Severus also cast 'Avis.' A flock of brightly coloured birds flew out of his wand, circled the family, and headed into the forest. Vi screeched with delight as the family watched the birds go. The birthday girl insisted that she wanted to fly like the butterflies and the birds, but of course she was too young to ride a broom. So Severus ended up levitating her a few feet off of the ground, which delighted Vivienne to no end.
After a while of celebrating, Bethany and Vi looked towards the forest as though sensing something. When Severus looked up, he noticed Albion, Elysium, and even little Miracle appear from behind the trees. They had come to celebrate Vivienne’s birthday. Albion stood guard while Elysium brought Miracle to the festivities. The two youngsters, human and unicorn, bolted to each other like friends who have been parted for too long. For a while, Vi frolicked with Miracle as both sets of parents looked on. It was amazing to Severus how much energy both Vi and Miracle had. Eventually, they both became tired and trotted over to the table Bethany had set up outside for the party food. Bethany let Vi give a few sugar cubes to Miracle. She herself gave Elysium a luscious red apple, as she smoothed back the unicorn’s mane in order to stroke her neck. The two mothers nuzzled each other. It was amazing to Severus how calm Elysium had become when he was around. He knew she could smell that he was Vivienne’s father and Bethany’s mate. However, he was still surprised she would bring her own foal so close to him, something she had never done until now. Of course, she was still a little standoffish with Severus because he was a grown man. And Albion always stood at a distance, observing but not participating when the unicorns visited Severus and his family.
The unicorns stayed to watch Vivienne make a wish as she blew out the candles of her birthday cake, and while she opened her presents. Vivienne had the ability to eat chocolate with the relish of her mother, even rivaling Bethany while pregnant with cravings. So of course the cake was double chocolate. Out of all her gifts Vi’s favorite was a toy wand made from a sprig of willow, with which she spent the rest if the day pretending to do magic like she had seen her daddy do for her. Severus and Bethany held hands, smiling as they watched their daughter play joyfully. They whispered to each other of how they looked forward to the new baby and the chance to experience this all again.
Soon the Christmas Break came and Severus spent the whole time with his family. It snowed. Bethany took pictures of Severus and Vivienne playing together amidst Winter's white blanket. She was working on another album—a family record this time. Severus already had pictures of Bethany standing to the side with a rounded belly and Vivienne beside her listening to the baby. Christmas was a fun holiday for them all. They decorated some of the pine trees in the forest with snacks for the animals, exchanged presents, ate lots of good food, and snuggled by the fire.
Too soon, though, it was time for Severus to return to Hogwarts. His coming and going was getting to be so hard on all of them that Severus promised to give up teaching to come live with them as soon as Summer started. He also promised to give Bethany the wedding of her dreams on the next May 19th.
On February 22, 1984, Severus received an urgent message at Hogwarts. Bethany was in labour.
Severus left the school immediately to go to the hospital in Stuttgart. When he arrived he found that Bethany had used a Portkey to bring herself and Vivienne to the hospital. He also realized with an uneasy feeling that this was a Muggle hospital. Though there were no Wizarding hospitals nearby and this was where Bethany had delivered Vi, Severus could not help but worry about his beloved in the hands of Muggle doctors. Neither Severus nor Vi were allowed in the delivery room.
As he waited, Severus tried to calm Vivienne who had seen her mother go into convulsions and start screaming. He told her that pain was a part of giving birth, that this same thing had happened when she was born, and that her mother would be fine. But Vi shook her head, crying.
“No, no,” Vivienne said, teary-eyed. “Mommy said something felt wrong. She was bleeding a lot. Then we couldn't find the Portkey because it had wandered off.”
Before he could get an answer from Vi about how the Portkey could wander off, Bethany's parents entered the waiting room in a rush. Vivienne yelled and ran to her grandparents. They held her close, but glowered at Severus. He glared back at them and in the end the Wrights dropped their gazes.
Finally, Mrs. Wright couldn't take the silence anymore.
She begged, “Severus, tell us what's happened. When did she go into labour? Is she doing alright? Can we go back to see her?”
“I don't know anything,” Severus said. “No one has come out to talk to me since I arrived. They won't even let me go back there. And Vi keeps saying that Bethany said something was wrong.”
Elena Wright clutched at her heart melodramatically.
Mr. Wright said, “They'll let us back there. We're her parents.”
He strode to the door and Severus was pleased to see that he was rebuffed by the same burly doctor's assistant who had kept Severus from entering.
“What's going on with our daughter?” Richard Wright demanded.
“Someone will be out in a few minutes to speak with you, sir,” said the burly man. “Until then if you would all just have a seat and wait quietly...”
Just then a woman screamed and the man disappeared behind the doors. Severus stood up at the sound. He instinctively knew it was Bethany. Mr. Wright began pacing and Mrs. Wright sat down with Vi on her lap and began fanning herself with her hand.
In a few minutes a doctor came out of the delivery room looking very somber. He began a speech, motioning for everyone in the room to calm down and stop asking questions all at once.
“There have been some complications,” the doctor with a grimace. And suddenly his voice was drowned out by the loud thumping of Severus's heartbeat in his ears. He tried to listen through the ringing to the doctor's distant voice. He heard, “The baby never turned and when Bethany arrived she was already hemorrhaging.” Severus felt like a ghost watching a play, unable to participate. He heard, “We had to do a C-section on her, but apparently the baby was being strangled by the umbilical cord.” To Severus, the whole event felt unreal—a dream gone wrong. “By the time we got the baby out, she had almost suffocated. Bethany has been stitched back up but she has lost a lot of blood. If she had gotten here sooner, perhaps we could have... As it is, we don't expect that either one of them will survive.”
The world came suddenly back to Severus like the bang of a gong as he screamed, “No!”
Mr Wright began yelling about the incompetence of Muggle doctors, Mrs. Wright fainted from shock, and Vivienne started bawling all at the same time. Severus knew what he had to do. He 'Apparated' into the delivery room. The first sight that met his eyes was Bethany looking very weak and pale, holding a small bundle. Then he looked around and saw the staff with piles of blankets soaked in blood. The aides tried to make him leave, so he 'Stunned' them all. Severus stepped quickly over to Bethany and bent down next to her. She looked at him, smiling and crying too.
“It's a girl, Severus,” Bethany said grinning at the bundle.
Severus followed her gaze and saw a small pink face with blonde fuzz for hair and blue eyes that were half closed. The baby wheezed when she breathed.
“I thought we could name her Melisande,” Bethany said. “It means 'Honey-sweet.' We could call her Lissa for short just like we called Vivienne Vi sometimes.”
“I think that's the perfect name for her,” said Severus shakily, tears streaming down his face. He tried to steel himself for what he was about to say. “Now, Bethany, I'm not even sure I should tell you this, but I think you deserve to know what's happening.”
“You mean that Lissa and I are dying. I know,” she said in a sagacious voice. “The doctor's never really tell you. They want you to die in peace. But I've been conscious enough to listen to them talking. And I can feel my life draining. Still, thank you for being brave enough to tell me the truth.”
Severus broke down at that. He put his arms gently about both Bethany and the baby and wept.
“If only there were something I could do. If only I had been there with you. It's all my fault.”
“Shhh,” Bethany said very gently. “I don't want to upset Lissa. We have to be very quiet so that she can go to sleep in peace. Would you like to hold her?”
Severus tried to stop crying. He delicately took Melisande from Bethany's arms. He looked down at the little face which opened its eyes for a few moments and smiled at him before the drowsiness overtook her again. Severus smiled back while her eyes were open.
Bethany said, “I wish we had the camera here for one last photo.” Then she suddenly broke down. “Oh, Severus! I don't know where we are going now and I'm scared. All I know is that wherever it is, it won't be with you.” She started crying quietly. “I wish we were at home now. I'd feel better there. I would have liked to see a unicorn one last time.”
Her statement gave Severus an idea. He asked Bethany urgently, “Where is the Portkey? Vi said it had wandered off at home. What is it so I can find it?”
Bethany didn't need to answer. Severus's eye caught a little white figurine walking along the counter. It was the mother unicorn that he had given Bethany for Christmas when they were teenagers.
“That's it, isn't it?” he affirmed.
He put one hand on Bethany's arm, cradled Melisande in his other arm and reached for the unicorn, which was near at hand.
Suddenly they were all three lifted up then spiraled back down until they found themselves at home in their bedroom. Bethany landed lightly on the bed, Severus on his feet next to it. He handed Melisande back to Bethany.
“You're home now, Sweeting. Just rest here a minute. I'll be right back.”
“Where are you going, Sevy? I wanted to be with you for a few more minutes.”
“I plan to be with you a lot longer than that,” he said smiling. “Both of you. I'm going to bring you a unicorn. I know how much healing power they have. You don't need to worry. If there is one out there, I'll bring it here to you.”
He kissed Bethany's lips and Lissa's forehead. Then he ran downstairs, out the front door, into the snow. He began calling out for help as he trudged through the drifts.
“Albion! Elysium! Please come help us. Albion! Can you hear me? Bethany and her new baby are dying. I beg you to come help them! Please!”
Severus's tears were freezing to his face. He looked about hopelessly among the trees. Bethany had said that the Black Forest was over a hundred miles long. What hope was there that any unicorn could hear him or that one would even come to a man?
All of a sudden, in front of him was a tall, majestic creature who was whiter than the pure snow itself. Before he could speak, Albion had cantered towards the door to the cottage and then disappeared inside. Severus followed, running. When he reached the bedroom he saw Albion standing over the bed as Bethany touched his muzzle and Lissa looked up in wonder.
“That's more than I could have hoped for,” Bethany was saying.
Severus pushed his way past the unicorn to be on the other side of the bed. Albion gave a huff of disapproval, stamped his foot and shook his head.
“Forgive him, Albion. He is about to lose me.”
The unicorn nodded in sympathy.
“What?” Severus asked Bethany. “What do you mean I am going to lose you? Surely Albion can help.”
In Severus's head he heard an answer that was beyond language. The thoughts he received were: “Severus Snape, I can help. But I don't have enough energy within me to heal them both.”
“What do you mean?” said Severus aloud. “You're a unicorn—the most pure, magical healing creature in existence.”
“And you are a powerful wizard, yet you cannot save them. Every creature has its limitations. Bethany is very far gone now. But Melisande I can heal enough so that your hospital can save her.”
“Wait!” said Severus. “Let's think before we determine which one you heal. You said that the hospital can save little Lissa. Why don't you cure Bethany then?”
“Lissa is smaller and less injured, so she requires less of my energy to restore her. It was Bethany's choice. It's the same choice any mother would make. Besides unicorns are guardians of children.”
“Bethany,” Severus began to weep. “How could you make such a decision without me?”
“It's the right choice,” she said, in a hoarse whisper. “You'll see as she grows up. Now hold my hand, Sevy Darling, and watch a miracle happen.”
Albion touched his horn to Melisande and suddenly the light from the tip of his spiral horn transferred to the baby, making her glow. She laughed, then began giggling. It was obvious that her air passages were restored. Bethany held the baby close and kissed her. Then she handed her to Severus. “She still needs to go to the hospital so they can check her out. Take her now.”
“I can't leave you. What if before I get back . . .”
“I promise, I'll wait for you. But you must hurry.”
“Thank you, Albion,” Severus said and disappeared by grabbing the Portkey.
While Severus was gone, Albion and Bethany exchanged sentiments which made Bethany feel more at peace about dying. Albion was very wise. He had lived to see many lifetimes pass.
“You are wrong about one thing, Bethany. Your Severus will never understand your choice and he will blame himself for your death until he joins you in the next world.”
“At least we will be reunited then,” she said smiling. “Thank you, Albion, not just for this but for being a part of our lives. I have wanted to see a unicorn my whole life.
“I know you have. And when you were very young, you did. I could see it in your eyes the first time I met you. Even though your conscious mind may have forgotten, your heart remembered. Why do you think you have always wanted to work with unicorns?”
Bethany smiled serenely now. “Tell Elysium and Miracle goodbye for me.”
Albion nodded then dissolved as Severus appeared back in the room. He stared wonderingly at the vanishing unicorn. Then he turned to Bethany and told her that he had arrived in the waiting room. He had told her parents and Vi that Bethany had named the baby Melisande, Lissa, for short. He had also warned them that though she seemed better, she still needed to be looked at by the doctors. Severus had left Melisande in Vivienne's arms.
“They asked where you were,” he said. “I shook my head so that your parent's would understand but told Vi you had gone off to live with the unicorns in a very special place, that we would both get to go to one day also”
“You're getting good with storytelling,” Bethany said.
“I learned form the best.” He winked at her.
“Now that's something I'm going to miss in the afterlife. I don't care how good it is. Nothing will ever be as heavenly as making love to you. Why don't you crawl in the bed and hold me? It will only be for a little while,” Bethany said weakly. “I would like one more kiss before I go.”
Severus crawled in bed and pulled the covers up around them. Bethany felt very cold to the touch. He put his arms around her to warm her and kissed her very softly for a long time. Then he held her close, trying to stifle the tears that would only upset her.
“I'm sorry,” he lamented. “Sorry for everything. If I hadn't forgotten the anti-pregnancy potion or wanted another child... If I had been with you when you began hemorrhaging... If I had even had a certain potion from my lab here... Not to mention the mistakes I made that kept us apart...”
“Hush,” she said in a faint voice. “Listen to me now. Don't blame yourself. Don't spend your life in guilt. Raise our girls and be happy. I will be with you in spirit. Vi and Lissa are a testament to our love, which will live on in them and their children. My life has been wonderful. I found you. And I'm not afraid of death as long as you are with me. I love you so much, Sevy. Nothing can possibly hurt me with you here.”
“I love you more than my own life, Bethany. Without you I won't know what to do. But I'll try my best for the sake of our girls.”
Bethany sighed very softly. Severus held her closer, his silent tears running into her hair. “Be at peace, My Love,” he managed to say.
“I am,” she answered for the last time. “After all, I'm in your arms.”
Bethany's breathing became more and more shallow. Severus just held her for a long time, trying not to notice her becoming more and more still. Finally, he knew she was gone. He held her tightly and wept inconsolably over her body for more than an hour.
He didn't want to leave her, but he knew he had to go bring his girls home. He used the Portkey to get back to the hospital. When he got there, a nurse said that Bethany's parents had left with the girls, saying they were taking them home. She handed him a folded note which read:
Severus Snape,
You may have taken our daughter away from us, but we will not let you take our grandchildren. They will have a better home with us. Don't bother searching for us. We kept Bethany safe from you and only by her will did you find her. Perhaps Vi and Lissa will wish to find you too someday. However, we will keep them safe until they are seventeen.
The Wrights
Severus’s heart was broken for the final time. He had lost his whole family in a single day. Never again would he invest in loving anyone. Although he would spend the rest of his life looking for his children, he felt in his heart that it was all in vain.
Darkness closed in on him, and sorrow shrouded him everywhere he went. He wished only for death to release him so that he could be with his belovéd again. Still, he knew he could not take his own life for fear that one day Vi and Lissa would come looking for him. The only slender thread that held him to this world was his desperation to see his daughters again. The thought of potentially seeing them one day helped to steel him against the crushing pain and loneliness that constantly smothered him. He wished only to see his girls and thereby have a memento of his darling Bethany in their faces and in their mannerisms. Severus would frequently wonder what their lives were like and imagine watching them as they grew. He thought of loose teeth, skinned knees, riding brooms for the first time, all the birthdays he would miss, going away to school in some unknown country, and the beauties he knew they would turn out to be. He could see it all clearly, but never be a part of it. Only in his mind would he ever hold them again.
Severus had returned with a numb heart to the cottage after he had read the letter from Bethany’s parents. That evening, he had buried his True Love by himself in the glade between their house and the Black Forest. As night fell, he watched the sun set over the forest. Severus shed his tears all alone, remembering when once he had shared the evenings with Bethany, pregnant with Melisande, and little Vivienne. Severus could not stand being in his and Bethany’s old house alone. However, he kept the delicate, blue rose Portkey and modified it to take him from Hogwarts to the cottage. He often brought calla lilies or blue roses to Bethany’s grave. At times, when he came he would find a unicorn there. But it always disappeared when their eyes met. He guessed that the unicorns knew he needed to be alone to grieve.
Severus often found himself looking through the numerous photo albums that Bethany and he had made together. He seemed to be drawn to the last page of the first album most often. A picture was pasted there of Bethany blowing him 'an eternal kiss.' He lingered mournfully on this page. The albums were bitter-sweet reminders that he couldn't let go of for a long time. He always kept them even after many years had passed and he could no longer bear to look at them anymore.
Severus would also lock himself in his chambers and turn the crystal shard around in his hands that was from the dress Bethany had worn the night she accepted his proposal. Letting the light catch it, he would reminisce not just about the proposal but the whole of their relationship from their first kiss to their last. Then clutching the shard, he would bow his head and weep, if only to fill the aching chasm inside him with tears that belonged to her.
He surrounded himself with reminders of Bethany. Severus had kept several of her belongings, such as the unicorn family miniatures, the book of poems he wrote her, the celestial necklace and hair comb, her artwork, even her engagement ring, which he wore on a chain around his neck under his collar. Of course there were also all the gifts that she had given him. The one he most cherished was the watch which read,
Times that I am loving you.
He always had it on, though he kept it hidden under his sleeve.
Severus became very bitter. If he had been stringent before, now he was caustic. Nothing could cure his heart of the loss of his family. And he never stopped searching for his daughters. He stayed at Hogwarts so as to be easily found on the slim chance that, like Bethany, his daughters might come looking for him someday. Once they turned seventeen, the Wrights couldn't stop them.
Unfortunately, Severus did not live long enough even to be sought. He was killed by Lord Voldemort, who rose again to power after over a decade of hiding. Severus did, however, live long enough to see Harry Potter, Lily’s son, come to school at Hogwarts. Seeing Lily’s son, especially since he was sorted into House Gryffindor like his parents, re-opened an ancient wound for Severus. Though he secretly protected Harry from Voldemort as he had promised to do so long ago, Severus was in agony every time he encountered Harry. The pain was not only caused by remembrances of Lily, since Harry had inherited her green eyes, but also because Severus was reminded of his own children. Vivienne would have been in the same year as Harry Potter.
Voldemort vied many times against Harry Potter, who ultimately defeated him. But Severus didn't live to see this victory. However, it was alright in the end. For, the very moment that Severus died he saw a two shining figures beckoning to him.
The one with red hair and green eyes, hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, Sev, for doubting you. Thank you for protecting my son.”
Severus felt a warmth inside him that had been absent for a very long time as he embraced his best friend once again. But as James joined Lily in thanking him, Severus was distracted by bright golden hair haloing the face of a woman who looked like she might be an angel. Lily and James smiled.
Then a voice he recognized from long ago said, “Welcome home, Sevy, My Love. I have longed to hold you again all these years. Now that you are here, my heaven is complete.”
Bethany opened her arms and embraced him. Severus held her, in a place where there is neither sadness nor separation, only joy and harmony. After a lifetime apart, the two lovers, Bethany Wright and Severus Snape, were reunited in bliss for all of eternity.
The End
A Life of Love - IV. A Testament to Love - Chapter 5
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