In Service of Mara - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Breaking the Princess

I've done a terrible, dreadful thing. I...I am a failure. Even as I came back from the dead, I've now been cursed. Whatever ritual they used...it's been tainted by my grandfather's malicious hand. This hunger, this thirst I have...I can't bring myself to drink it! I refuse to be like that. But my god...Gabriel, what has happened? Have I truly been gone for that long? It's so hazy; it's a dream that never happened. I feel so weak, so sick of myself now...the look on Geirs' face when I...when I...I can't forgive myself. I nearly killed him! My sweet bird-boy...what has happened to you? And now I've lost you forever...

(Entries seem to have been crossed out or otherwise rendered unreadable by red stains.)

I am now the soul-bound slave of the devil witch Mara...a succubus. She tricked me into unlocking her power, and my best friend, Diana, and my aunt Angelique suffered greatly for my foolishness and damnable pride. In my half-starved weakness and blind trust I couldn't see that she merely played my heart and manipulated my mind with her feigned kindness and affection. I sit here now in the witch's home. It's dark in this small room, but ever since the bloody resurrection by Grandfather's fanes I haven't needed my glasses...and I can see in the dark, well enough to write and read by. My body still aches from everything that happened, but soul feels raw, aching worse than anything. I swear to the gods she ripped it from me, if that were possible. I don't know when she's returning...it's been hours since she locked me in here, not that I could go anywhere. It's colder than death itself outside, and I have only my dress. She said I could go back to Ravenloft in a few days. What could she possibly want with me here? I'm frightened, but I'm trying to be strong. Gabriel, please watch over me. I feel I've made a horrible mistake. She promised me power...but all I seemed to have done is bound my soul to her and made her stronger. Gabriel, please forgive me, for I have sinned. I sold my soul to a devil to spare my loved ones.

In exchange for their lives I offered my soul and fealty to her...I feel that burden resting on me now. I thought I could handle the burden...I have to be strong. I can't let her break me. I hate her! I can't take this blasted collar off of my neck! As I kneeled before her, she conjured up a leather collar and placed it around my neck as her first action after the pact had been sworn. I can't take the damn thing off, there's no clasp or seam. I've pried and pulled at it and even tried cutting it, but no matter what I do it won't come off! She said it made me hers, and it makes my spirit sink to feel it around my neck. She brought me in front of a mirror when we arrived so I would be forced to look at my reflection. She said that I'm pretty, a rare jewel. I despise her. She'll never break me! I am the first princess of the Saspien Royal Family! I am an Il'spana! A descendant of Strahd von Zarovich no less! No devil or witch or pretty girl will break my will! I refuse!

Oh, Gabriel does my body ache. She wasted no time in marking me as her property. I've always had earrings...but not where she put them. I feel like I'm on fire, they must be silver. Are vampires allergic to silver? I thought such things were only myth, like the holy water business or holy symbols. They're still myths, right? Ouch! Damn it they sting when I touch them! She said I'd look prettier this way. She placed a ring in my ear, there's a silver chain that runs to a ring in my nose. There are a few rings in my eyebrows now and another on my lip, and tongue. She...pierced my nipples...and just above my little button. It hurt, a lot. I don't think they'll ever come out. She...she melted the ends together. Hellfire-throwing devil, damn her! When I refused to strip, I felt the strangest sensation, as if she squeezed my very soul. It hurt, and continued hurting until I obeyed. Is this what I'll be forced to endure? Am I to be her slave? I'm frightened, and scared. I want to go home. I don't know what would be worse: dealing with this devil woman, or seeing mother's disappointment. I think...I think I can't bear to face mother, not now, not like this. I don't want to be locked in the coffin again. I'm going to try and sleep...my body still aches, and I haven't had anything to eat. So tired...

I had a chance to look at the mirror again. The pain has subsided, and there are no marks. Except...for that brand she put on me. I think it's going to be sore for days. It hurts when I touch it, that bitch pressed it against my skin and it hurt! It must have been magical in nature, but what the hell for? Why did she feel the need to do that? It's in the shape of a rose petal; it's actually kind of pretty. What the hell am I thinking? Get it off of me! (Part of the page is torn.)

I've been praying to Gabriel for hours. I haven't heard a response back. No response, not even a tingling of a sensation. Have I fallen from his grace that much? I feel so alone...oh god, please answer me. I need to be strong. Please... (Red splotches mar this section.)

I'm starving. I can't sleep. This thirst is overwhelming. I feel so weak. I'm so tired...but I can't sleep. It's so dark in here...am I going to die...? Gabriel...where are you...?

Something got thrown into the room last night. I could smell it...a hot, coppery scent mixed with overwhelming fear. My heart began to beat faster...I felt my fangs lengthen...my vision went hazy...and I don't remember anything else...I woke up later, covered in blood. I think I see a dark stain on the wall and the door. I feel a little better...but what the hell happened? Did I experience a nightmare? Where'd the blood come from? What did I do? )Red smears mar the page.)

Mara came back after a few days. I think it's been a few days. Day and night are the same here. She seemed surprised, and amused at my anger towards her. I hate her so much. She led me around that shack of hers by the leash affixed to my collar for hours until I could barely move. And then...she made be beg for something to drink. I shouldn't have given in to thirst. I hate myself for giving in. But the thirst, it's too much. I'm still too weak to try and fight off her influence; she must be keeping me weak on purpose. I am ashamed to admit that I did what she ordered me to...the pain on my soul at my refusal forced me to change my mind and submit. As a reward for obeying, she gave me a taste of her own blood. The blood tasted intoxicating and sweet on my tongue, more flavorful than any wine I'd tasted. I needed more, but she cut me off after only a few moments. I'm still hungry...

She's had me do nothing but clean, and clean, and clean again, all while blindfolded. I swear to Gabriel I've scrubbed every inch of this shack three times over! I tried escaping today in an impulsive bid for freedom, but she locked the godforsaken door with magic! I don't understand her. I never see her express anger, not once I've managed to raise her ire since the ritual. In fact...she laughed. She laughed at me even as I struggled with the door, it only infuriated me even more to see her act so calm! She asked me why I wanted to leave so badly, and so I told her why. At first, I thought she would strike me for being insolent and arrogant, but she didn't raise a hand. She simply sighed and went back to her sofa, and ignored me for the rest of the day and night. Looking back at it, has she truly treated me harshly? When she pierced my intimate spots and placed the black rose brand upon my skin I wished for her to die a slow, agonizing death for the pain she inflicted upon me. I recall her whispering into my ear as she pressed the magical brand into my skin, 'This is for your own good. You'll thank me one day.' I thought the pain would never cease, but now, the silver rings give me a slight tingle, and the brand feels warm. Wait, what am I thinking? How can I possibly be happy about being her treatment towards me? But she has fed me...I...I'm confused. I think I'm going to try and sleep again before she summons me for another round of menial tasks. This must be some kind of karmic balance for what Kaylan had to go through. I miss her so much. Oh god, do I miss them... (Red splotches mar this section.)

I'm both frightened and privately enthralled with the devil woman, perhaps that's how she likes me. She has some aura about her that I cannot help but admire. She seems to be at the same time frightening and kind, malicious and gentle...and utterly charming in her nature. I know now an inkling of what went on between her and my aunt. They were once friends, until Mara betrayed her and nearly killed her. The two have been at odds for years. It must have given Mara no end of joy to see her humiliated on that night. Dare I say...her humiliation might have surpassed my own disgrace? Mara had been sneaking around the castle under her nose the entire time! She befriended me; no, she lured me into trusting her and seduced me with promises and attention. Once I fell under her influence, she manipulated me into doing her bidding. I am more of a fool now than I ever could have been. Perhaps I should have taken Kaylan's invitation to stay with her...and Thamior. Why does that tear at my heart? Is it envy? That night at the Inn...I know it felt like nothing more than her making me feel accepted and comfortable, but why the hell does it feel so different now? My emotions are not my own, I feel everything stronger than before...anger, jealousy...and something else I can't bear to write. Damn that woman! Damn that witch! Damn every one of them!

She demands that I call her 'mistress' from now on, in any form of communication. I despise it, I'm a princess! But...this is my place now. Once mother finds out what happened...I only fear the worst from her. Father will be heartbroken. How can I even look at him now? How can I even...return to Saspien? I'm not fit to be a princess anymore...I'm just a stupid, naive little girl...and a slave. Am I ever going to go home? She's become more possessive of me; my every waking moment is spent by her side, her little prize. It's wretched, I can't stand it; at the same time, and it pains me to write this...but...I kind of like the attention. I must be going mad. Do I really think I feel safe with her? When I think on it, I'd rather be here with her than face mother. Even in her demands, she takes care of me when I am obedient. It's better than being in that stuffy old coffin. Mother always felt so distant before my kidnapping...does she even care about me anymore? Why hasn't she sent scouts to search for me? Does she...does she even love me anymore? I'm not certain I want to find out the answers. I've always been a disappointment to mother; she never expressed satisfaction in my studies nor approved of my friends. I don't know how long I've been here. I've lost track of time. Even when I can peer out the windows, all I see is darkness. How long have I been here?

She said she would be bringing a guest tonight, and to be on my best behavior. I feel strange. I'm frightened, but she said not to worry. The air is electric, there's something tugging at my soul. Is this her influence on me? She had me clean again. I think I'm getting good at it, I like doing a good job. I'm going to sleep for a while, she just left. I saw something for me, a pretty little dress, laid out on the bed. Does she want me to wear it tonight? Why? The dress is a lovely shade of violet, but by Gabriel is it revealing. It's something that Kaylan would wear, and something Diana might possibly be encouraged to wear. There's some scent on the table, a pleasant, subtle cinnamon aroma mixed with...vanilla? It smells nice. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to wear them. After all, mistress did go to the trouble of buying these for me.

For as long as I'd known him, I thought Geirs would be the one. Not that he'd even look at me twice, not anymore. I thought it'd be him...but the memory of his angry, hateful look still brings me to tears. He couldn't bear...he just couldn't...with a vampire. His rejection sent me into that downward spiral that lead me here...and now he's lost that chance forever. What happened last night...It's humiliating; thinking about it makes me tremble with apprehension...or is this delight that I am feeling? Definitions of my emotions are constantly being revised. And yet...I feel compelled to write about what happened. She commanded me to. I pray no one reads this. I cannot tell a soul, not Angelique, not Diana, not Kaylan...no one must know what I did last night. Did I sin? Is my soul forever tainted now? I feel so confused by the emotions in my head right now. Here goes...

I gave myself to a devil last night. Damn it all, but I experienced...the most incredible sensation I had ever thought possible. Even now I feel oddly giddy and strange just remembering it. Initially I trembled with a palpable fear, being both afraid and nervous, but my mistress showed an unearthly patience as she freed me, and at the same time, bound me even closer to her. A certain willingness passed through my mind after a time of being gently touched and caressed. He displayed a surprising gentleness that disarmed me and lowered my inhibitions, at least at first. I didn't know what to expect from him, the devil. Mistress summoned an incubus as her guest, as I quickly found out! When she brought me out for his viewing, I wore the little dress that hugged and revealed my form along with the cinnamon-vanilla scent, and she enjoyed parading me around him by my lead. Embarrassment quickly overtook fear when she loudly gloated about my nobility as the princess of the vampires, and that I now belonged to her as a slave. Upon hearing the words, I wished that death could take me again, if only to rid myself of any further humiliation. I don't know why, but as I think about it now, I feel a strange sense of pride that I haven't felt before. I can't possibly enjoy this treatment, can I? I cannot tell anyone about this. Kaylan would be ashamed, Diana would be horrified and angry...and mother...I don't want to contemplate about what she would think.

The wine that mistress had me drink earlier eased my fears and emboldened me; it must have been laced with her blood for some added effect. The aura surrounding the two devils of lust electrified the room, impossibly powerful in intensity and maddeningly tantalizing from simply feeling it. Is my will that weak? I didn't want it at first...but I had become so worked up...I felt that I would ignite from desire! To their credit, they never forced it upon me. I felt his hands touch me; he had a gentle, almost loving feeling to them. I hadn't felt that way since Kaylan and I shared the bed together at the Weeping Stone Inn. And then those fateful words escaped my lips, 'Take me...I beg you...please...' I blush writing the words, my nethers already moist again. The devil took me upon mistresses' bed as she watched, cooing into my ear as I experienced it for the first time. It only hurt for a moment when he thrust into me, a piercing, tearing pain, giving way into intense pleasure that I had never thought possible. He played with the silver rings mistress had put into my nipples and navel, at that moment I understood their purpose. Twisting them and pulling in just the right way sent waves of pleasure up and down my spine until I couldn't hold on any longer. I wrapped my legs around the devil, hands around his neck. I don't remember what words I used, begging and pleading with him for more. His pace quickened until I tensed and drew a sharp breath, finally shuddering as I cried out in lust and ecstasy. We joined together as my mistress watched, until I felt him spend himself inside me. His seed felt impossibly hot, a pleasurable sensation deep within my body while he too shuddered and growled as he claimed me and my innocence. A brief, fleeting moment of sheer terror grasped my mind at the realization of losing my virginity to a devil, but the thought passed when I felt his lips touch mine in a passionate kiss.

I lied sprawled upon the bed as he withdrew from me; I remember a moan that escaped my lips as he brushed against the piercing nestled just above my folds. My eyes fluttered open as he kissed me, a gentle touch that I did not expect. Handsome...with bright eyes and a lovely smile...it is no wonder that these devils get what they want. My gaze shifted to mistress, I recall the predatory look on her face. For a moment, I became afraid again. Not of the devil, but of my mistress. The devil lifted himself from my still-shaking body, as he stood I couldn't help but stare at him again.

At that moment I felt my mistress pull on the leash attached to my collar. I tried grabbing onto it, only to be met by her icy glare. She instructed me to stand and place my hands into the leather shackles dangling from the ceiling by the wall. I hated it, the feeling of powerlessness... but I obeyed, swallowing my pride in the process. It pleased her greatly to see me bow my head in shame, I could tell that much. I did as instructed, and placed my hands against the leather straps, my pulse quickened as my skin touched the leather. Tears welled up in my eyes, and fear rose up in my heart. I asked why...and she answered me. 'You must accept pain as pleasure...and pleasure as pain. You'll get it one of these days,' my mistress cooed into my ear as she secured the leather straps around my wrists, my arms hoisted up until I had to stand, nearly on my toes. She slid around me, and cupped my face with her hands, forcing me to stare into her eyes. I knew she'd see fear, anger, hatred...and anticipation. My cheeks burned hot with a bright blush that I had thought impossible.

I fought back my tears, and stared at my mistress. I could have only guessed what would happen next. When I felt the first decisive sting of the whip against my back, I screamed. My tears flowed freely down my face after the first blow landed. She cooed to me as her hands kept my face still, her eyes locked on mine. 'Why?' I asked; a pleading, desperate question. A mixture of emotions on my face: humiliation, anger, pain, arousal, joy. 'Hush now...your mistress is here,' she responded to me, still cradling my face in her loving hands. The second blow struck my back, and then a third, each harder than the last. I begged her, I pleaded with her to stop. Each cry of anguish continued ringing in my head, lasting far longer than the sting of the whip. She held me tightly, ever staring into my eyes as I shuddered in pain and humiliation from the repeated lashings. Even so, my fangs stood out despite...or perhaps because of...the painful stinging sensation on my body. After several agonizing minutes, when the final crack of the whip landed against my back, and I shuddered and lost the strength in my legs. My mistress must have enjoyed the groan of defeat that she coaxed from my lips as I slumped forward, my mind going hazy and falling into unconsciousness. I woke sometime later, still in the restraints, a thick velvet band drawn around my eyes, blindfolding me.

At the first sign of consciousness, I felt her hand along by bare back. "Your skin heals so nicely...a lovely trait of being a vampire," I heard her coo to me, her voice seductive and deceptively disarming. "I could run a stake through your heart, would you enjoy that?" my mistress asked me, trailing her fingers along my spine. It made me shiver with a sense of danger, and secretly, delight. My breath quickened when I felt the sharp, splintery wooden stake stop suddenly against my breast, the impact forceful enough to draw blood. In that moment, I suddenly experienced an overwhelming terror that I hadn't felt since the night that I died. "Well?" she asked; a curious, if impatient tone to her voice. The wood bit in a little deeper. I knew she wouldn't ask again.

My mind raced for an answer, I knew what she wanted me to say. She tempted me, tested my obedience to her as part of her game, I realized. Just as I felt the increased pressure from the stake against my skin, I spoke. "No, my mistress, I wouldn't enjoy being staked because then I wouldn't be able to serve you," I said to her in a quiet, frightened voice, though I admit the words came out more readily than I would have liked. I couldn't see her expression, but the answer must have placated her, as she drew the stake away from my chest. My heart raced with fear that she might have simply rammed it into me anyway. At that point I felt her hand slap against my rear with a hard smack, making me gasp in surprise and relief.

She released my hands from the leather bonds, and I savored a brief moment of freedom. As I reached up to pull the blindfold free from my eyes, my mistress grabbed my hands and forced them behind my back. In a quick, fluid motion, I felt the soft, yet firm texture of leather straps being secured around my wrists; she bound my hands near the small of my back. "I didn't say you were done, Isabella," she reminded me, pulling on the leash attached to my collar. I stumbled forward as she led me around the room, quickly disorienting me.

The next series of events makes me flush with embarrassment to even remember...

I could hear the soft creak of the bed; my mind raced to put the pieces together. I felt the gentle tug of the leash on my neck, pulling me closer to the bed. I hesitated, instinctively pulling back. Then she pulled harder, and I realized she had looped the leash underneath her when my mouth pressed against her folds. I stammered a protest, only to be rewarded by her drawing my face tighter against her nethers. She commanded me to pleasure her, and I reluctantly did so, much to her amusement and delight. My face burned with humiliation as I gave in to her desires, and I obeyed. If only she had simply asked! And yet this seemed to also be part of her game.

After I had thrown my full effort and attention into my task, I felt the incubus enter me again, this time from behind, one arm curled under my stomach. With my hands bound against my back, I had trouble retaining any sense of balance. Being devoid of my sight and my freedom heightened the sensations running through me; the predicament felt thrilling and humiliating at the same time. Then, I felt his hand reach up to wrap my hair around his fingers; he pulled back on my head, trying to make me fail my task while he continued thrusting into me. I fought him with all of my might, determined not to fail. His motions made the task incredibly difficult, doubly so by my lack of control. The three of us continued the little game for some time, until after what seemed to be hours we climaxed together, the throes of passion finally overcoming our resistance. Once again, I fell into unconsciousness from the ordeal, my strength and energy drained from the incubus' ministrations. I suppose the old stories did contain some semblance of truth to them.

I awoke on my mistress' bed in the morning, still bound and blindfolded. Despite what had happened, I felt comfortable, content to remain there like that. At some point in the night the devil had returned to the infernal realm, I imagine. When I finally did stir, I couldn't detect his presence; I realized during the evening he had a distinct scent of spice. As I started to come around, my thoughts quickly wandered back to the events of last night, and the implications of my actions. My body ached all over with a pleasant soreness, especially between my legs. I stayed there on the bed until I felt my mistress' hand on my hair, gently playing with the raven locks. Silently, she removed the velvet blindfold from my eyes, flooding my vision with the bright interior of her bedroom. While my eyes adjusted to the sudden light, she removed the leather straps from my wrists, finally freeing them. I took the opportunity to slowly sit up, sitting on my legs while I rubbed at my wrists. Surprisingly, the marks were already fading, the minor bite from the wooden stake already healed along with the multitude of love-bites and scratches that once covered my snow-white skin.

"Did you enjoy yourself last night?" I heard her ask me. She watched me from the bed, already dressed. Ever the cat-like grin on her face, those ever-staring eyes watching me. I couldn't help but blush from the way she stared at me.

I lowered my head down, averting my gaze as I replied to her, "Yes, mistress...thank you," with a soft, sincere tone. From the corner of my eye, I could see the grin widen even further. "I hope that I did not disappoint you or your guest last night, mistress," I added, my eyes still averted. She responded simply by placing her open palm against my cheek. I pressed my skin into it for a moment until she drew her hand away. My eyes turned up to meet hers, enthralled once again in her commanding gaze.

"You may rest for today, Isabella," she told me as she slipped off of the bed. "Clean yourself and write about the experience in your journal," she cooed to me as she slinked over to the door. As she left the bedroom, she leaned her head back with a wide grin, "I look forward to reading it," she added with a sly wink. I gathered my senses, quietly angry with her having read my innermost thoughts and feelings. Now, it is clear to me that I have no privacy anymore. I am hers, and little more.

Shortly after that I left for my room, still naked, and smelling of sex and cinnamon. And now, I sit here, writing of my seemingly willing enslavement, wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into. At first, I experienced little more than terror, anger, regret and hurtful feelings...but now I feel something different. I am still terrified and often angry...but I feel safer, as if I can actually trust my mistress. I placed my trust in her when she blindfolded and bound me and had my life literally in her hands, and she showed me mercy, and affection, and purpose. But did I not have these things in Saspien? Did I ever feel truly content to rule, to be waited on hand and foot? I led a life of luxury for so long, and I learned so little. I've been in my mistress' company for a fraction of that time and I have learned so much. She demands much of me, but her affection is genuine when I have truly deserved her time. Have I found happiness...in slavery?

I do not know what awaits me when I return to Ravenloft, or when mother arrives to take me back to Saspien. Diana and Angelique must be worried sick about me. I wish I could tell them...but I know that I must keep this to myself. Did they tell mother about what happened? Impossible...she would have arrived with the fury of the Fey. She must think I'm still on holiday in Barovia after my resurrection. I fear her now...I fear that look of disappointment and regret that will be on her face. She expression nothing but a furious disappointment when she learned of my misfortune in the Wild, I knew then she would have many words for me once I returned home, if not the coffin as well...or worse.

Perhaps...in her efforts to bolster my spirit, she instead broke it? She said I needed to be strong, but she rarely afforded me the love and compassion I needed, and father, while loving and doting, faced a multitude of duties and responsibilities to be around with me with any meaningful frequency. I wish I knew the reasons and answers. I heard her mention to Aunt Angelique about a convent in the mountains of Saspien, somewhere out of the way, and remote. She couldn't really be thinking of sending me to a bloody nunnery, could she? Perhaps it would be best to go along with her wishes; I am in no condition to challenge her authority. I just wish that she'd say she loved me...it is all I ever wanted to hear from her. Is that too much to ask? I still feel disconnected from Gabriel...even when I pray I hear only my own thoughts and my heart.

A pit of dread grows in my stomach now. The night with the devils still conflicts with my conscience, and I am unable to quell it. I can still feel his tainted seed inside of me, it feels comfortably hot. Am...am I to be corrupted by this? What will happen now that I've given myself to an incubus? The rose-shaped mark that sits just below my waist has a glow to it now, an ominous black pulse. What does it mean? Oh, god... (Red splotches mar this section.)

It's been a few days. The marks on my body have faded, and the black pulsing has finally ceased well. The day after, the glow dimmed in intensity and now it is simply that, a brand upon my skin. My mistress informed me that I would be returning to Ravenloft today, and to clean myself up beforehand. It almost seems as if the night earlier this week never happened. She has not made mention of it, and I've returned to my usual routine of cleaning and tending to her needs and desires. I'm almost unsettled by the lack of discussion about what happened, but it is not my place to ask about it. The air has remains electric even after he returned to the infernal planes, my own thoughts have been entirely too distracting and even interfering with my tasks. Privately, I yearn for his touch again, the nameless devil that transformed me from a girl into a woman.

I nearly dropped the tea cups earlier today when a wave of sensation washed over me, making my knees weak like a young sapling. I'm curious to see if I still feel this way when I am removed from my mistress' presence. I...am sad to leave, to be truthful. But, I suppose it is for the best. We must keep up appearances. The collar is still ever-present around my neck. On one hand it is a burden, but it is also a reminder to me of my new station in life, and my responsibilities to my mistress. Fortunately, I can claim that I am being rebellious to established authority. She'll get a kick out of that. The new jewelry on my face will take some explaining...but I have been considering cutting my hair as well. I wish to keep it long enough for mistress to play with, but a shorter style would look nice. Perhaps some color as well. Well, as long as my mistress agrees, naturally. She's knocking on my door now. Time to return to the castle and face my family...

Continued in Chapter 2