Terrible Company - Chapter 3 - Part 3

Chapter 3 - Part 3

"I really appreciate this, mate," the second guard said to the first, as they sat in the back of the covered wagon. "Hirin' me on for this was just the chance I needed."

The first guard nodded and checked the tension on the string of his crossbow. "No better time to join up. The Boss is going places, he is."

"Feels like you been talkin' about him for years."

"This right 'ere," the first guard said, as he kicked the strongbox at his feet. "This is gonna put 'em on the map."

"There's a map?"

"Not ah actual map, you twit. It's ah idiom."

The second guard, unsure of who was being referred to as an idiom, decided it might be better to just switch topics. "What's in the box?"

"The key to the future," the first guard droned, repeating something he'd heard earlier. He watched the forest roll by, and then added a moment later, "No, it's not ah actual key."

"Didn't think that it was," the second guard muttered defensively, which was, in fact, a lie. "So, I was thinkin..."

The first guard spit out the window, regarding the second warily. "That's nevah a good sign."

"Ilsa and Jan, they's twins, right?"

"Right."

"An' we're each married to one, right?"

"...Are you askin' me because you aren't sure?"

"You ever wonder if maybe there's just one of them, an' she just runs back and forth 'tween our houses? Livin' two lives?" The second guard laughed, shaking an outstretched finger back and forth between them.

The first guard sat forward, his elbows planted on his knees, and smiled. "This is ah auspicious moment, my friend."

"Oh yeah?" the second one said excitedly.

"You see, I keep a list," he said, tapping his temple, "of the dumbest things I've ever 'eard, and you have just taken top honors!"

The second guard smiled brightly, for a moment, until what the first one was saying began to sink in. "Wait, what?"

"That is, without a doubt, the stupidest thing I've ever 'eard. The logistics of one woman runnin' back and forth two miles to cook us both dinner, even just on one day let alone for the 10 years I been married to Jan, is... It's unprecedented is what it is. Number 1."

"Heads up, lads," the driver shouted back at them. "Somethin's on ahead."

"I nevah see 'em together."

"They hate each other. Gods man, you been married to 'er for eight years. Haven't you been payin' attention?"

"We work diff'rent hours!" the second guard protested, pointing to the the first one. "Dinner 'appens at diff'rent times! It's not stupid! Ain't you nevah woke up in bed alone an' wondered?!"

The first guard lifted his chin and sneered. "They sleepwalk, moron. The both of em."

The second guard's mouth slackened bit by bit as he thought. "Ilsa is always tellin' me I need to stand up for m'self."

"Well this ain't the time to start listening to that cunt," the first one laughed, as he casually looked out the window. "Are we slowin' down?"

"Did-did you just," the second guard stammered, his hackles rising. "Did you just call my wife a cunt?!"

"I think we both know I married the smart one," the first one muttered absently, still staring out the window.

"Take it back," the second one hissed.

"I will do no such-" The first one turned back from looking out the window to see that the second guard had his crossbow trained on the first one's chest. " Oy! Are you crazy and stupid? Point that somewheres else!"

"Not until you take it b-"

The interior of the carriage shook violently as something outside slammed against the wall with a pained scream, and the second guard twitched. There was a sudden twang as string, under a considerable amount of tension, propelled a very small projectile very deeply into the chest of an extremely surprised brother-in-law. "It's an ambush!" the driver cried, as an orc roared over the sound of steel clashing. The first guard stared, stunned, at the feathered shaft sprouting from his chest.

"Oh shit," the second one wailed. "Oh shit!" He bent forward, his hands desperately searching beneath his seat. "Bandages! Gotta be some Bandages in here somewheres!"

"You... stewpid bastard," the first guard mumbled numbly. He raised his own crossbow and loosed the bolt into the neck of the second one just as that one sat up. They stared blankly at each other, as their respective mortal wounds took their toll, until, several seconds later, Ayen dove through the window. The first guard weakly raised his empty crossbow and pulled the trigger again, hoping vainly to take the thief with him.

"This is the best day ever," Ayen whispered gleefully.

---

"Both of them?" Katsa asked.

"Both of them, trained right at my chest!" Ayen held his arms out and pointed his index fingers back at himself.

"Bullshit," Mathilda scoffed.

"The air in that wagon was tense," he continued, nodding to add gravity to his words. "I could just smell it. Those two guards were ready for me. Real pros."

"And you just... backed up?" Katsa seemed unphased by the Dwarf's nagging.

"Oh Gods no," Ayen said, shaking his head. "If I had merely tried to move out of the way, they'd have shot me stone dead. The space was too small for me to get very far."

"You just said you got outta the way," Val interjected, as she hefted the strongbox out of the hijacked coach.

"No, I said I dodged them," Ayen plucked two torches off the front of the cart and handed one to Katsa, who then lit both of them with a few muttered words while touching two of the glyphs embroidered into her gloves. "Big difference. Had to wait for them to shoot, committing their bolts to a specific trajectory, before I could be sure I could move."

"Yer no' buyin' that, ar' ya?"

"Every word of it true," Ayen insisted. "On my honor."

"Honor," Mathilda snorted. "You dodged two crossbow bolts, poin' blank, comin' from op'site directions?" She shook her head as she pulled up the rear.

"Well what other explanation is there?" Ayen turned and walked backwards to address her. "They certainly weren't dead before I got there."

"They pro'bly shot ea'chotha over somethin' unconnected, an' you 'appened to stumble on 'em while they was still fresh an' bleedin'!"

"Now who sounds ridiculous," he said flatly.

"Ridic-" The Dwarf's nostrils flared as the Half Elf shook his head and turned back around.

"Let's all just take a deep breath," Val cut in. "We're gonna get paid like professionals, so let's act like professionals."

Mathilda fumed in the back, hefting her massive blood-stained hammer in one hand. "Miserable sonnuvabitch," she mumbled.

"Easy," Val said. "There's no call for that."

"Not 'im," Mathilda grumbled, "'Im." She stared angrily at the night sky and shook her fist.

---

"Ah wasn't kiddin' earlier," Mathilda grumbled, as she slammed down her empty mug. "Ah've known dozens like ya." She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and glared.

"How fortunate for you." Ayen cut the deck once more and opened his eyes. The Rabbit Prince, with his broken sword, stared up at him. He smiled to himself and reshuffled the deck.

"S'no' a compliment, ya git."

"Oh." He looked up from his deck and quirked a grin at her. "I just assumed you were talking about either my devilish good looks or my incredible prowess in the heat of battle."

"Prowess in-" The mug in her hand quivered, rattling against the uneven wooden tabletop. "You di'int kill any of 'em! Left 'em all for that great brute of an Orc!" She set her mug aside with the other empties, and grabbed the next one in line. The black-haired Dwarf closed her eyes and mumbled incoherently while holding her hand over the fifth mug.

"That 'great brute' writes poetry," he said absently, as he spread the deck sideways across the table in front of him.

Mathilda scoffed. "Bullshit. An' don't change the subject. Ya hid in tha' bushes like a... like an elf 'til she'd taken care 'o the other three," she ranted, swinging her mug in a wide arc without spilling a drop, "while me an' tha mage were knee deep init with the first carriage."

The thief smiled thinly as he deftly plucked the Rabbit Prince from mid-air before shuffling it back into the deck. "It's called 'waiting for the right moment'."

"Bullshit!" She finished raising her mug to her lips, and took a long pull. Something behind him drew her eye. Her shoulders tensed. "They're 'ere."

"You only noticed them just now?"

"Wha'sat s'posed ta mean?"

"I heard them a full block away," he said, pausing with his finger hovered over the deck face-down on the table. "with my highly sophisticated thief sense."

"Yer so full of it, lad." Mathilda scowled across the table as she took a long sip.

Ayen smirked as he produced the Dwarf's hip flask from under the table. She merely blinked as he unscrewed the cap, and took a long swig.

"How did ye..." Mathilda gawked and slapped her thigh without looking. "Tha' was in m'pocket when Ah sat down." Her face turned bright red as she stood up on her stool and practically climbed across the table.

On the other side of the room, Val and Katsa settled in a table across from a thin Human with long black hair. His thick beard, oiled and pointed, quivered in the air as he spoke. Val shook her head and the man glared at her, but Katsa seemed to have the conversation well in hand.

"Stop trying to watch them," Ayen admonished.

" 'At's our job," she growled, as she tried to twist to look over her shoulder again.

"No one is supposed to know we're with them, and you giving your best impression of an owl is a dead giveaway." He shuffled the deck quietly, his eyes never rising from the cards in his hands.

Mathilda turned back around to face him and grumbled under her breath. "Wha're they sayin?"

Ayen smiled as he cut the deck one last time and flipped over the top card. The face of the Rabbit Prince, with his broken sword, stared up at him. "Judging by his expression, he's mad they didn't bring the strongbox."

"Ah told ya tha' was a mistake," she said, shaking her head. "Shows bad faith."

Across the room, Katsa and the merchant seemed more relaxed. They both smiled as they talked. Val was a hard read, with her flat expression and crossed arms. "Everything seems fine."

"Good," she said, finishing her fifth mug.

Ayen shook his head. "I don't like it."

"Ah don' like you," Mathilda said, as she reached for her sixth mug, "an' yet 'ere Ah am."

"He's nodding at everything she's saying." Ayen frowned and looked around the room. "You can never trust a man who's too agreeable."

"Yer sayin' it's goin' too good?"

"I'm saying, we're not the only ones watching that table," he whispered.

Mathilda's eyes widened as she looked around. "Shit," Mathilda cursed, turning back to her mug. "Shit! Just saw a man movin' through the kitchen wit' the strongbox. How'd they already find it?"

"Could be we were followed when we buried it," he said calmly. "Could be the thing was always being tracked arcanically. Doesn't matter now."

Across the room, a bald, hatchet-faced thug walked up behind Val and Katsa and nodded to the merchant, and the merchant's smile turned in a way that could only be described as 'greasy'. A dozen chairs around the room scuffed across the floor as hidden guards revealed themselves. Val scowled, her hand falling to the pommel of her sword. Katsa was the last in the room to realize her control of the situation had been completely compromised.

"I was right about ye all along," Mathilda spat venomously. "You sol' us out, you worthless shit."

"Well, you wouldn't be the first," Ayen said, as he frowned and looked around. "You probably won't be the last either."

"Ah knew it." The tin mug gave a tiny squeal as it crumpled in her hand. "Ah knew it."

"I always enjoy failing to meet the expectations of others," Ayen grinned, "but this one will be particularly sweet." In one smooth motion, he slipped off the back of his stool and slid to the wall behind him. He lifted a torch out of it's iron casement and leapt up onto the tabletop in front of Mathilda.

"Hey!" he shouted, as he reached into his shirt and withdrew a small brown teddy bear. Ayen held the bear out in front of him, with the licks of the torch flame falling just shy of the adorable stuffed animal's feet.

Two dozen pairs of eyes turned to him in confusion and annoyance.

"NOOOOOOO!" screeched the merchant, as tendrils of smoke danced from the singed feet of the bear. "Everyone stop!!!"

"I have your attention." Ayen lifted the bear and lowered the torch. "Good."

"Wha' in blazes is tha'?" Mathilda squeaked.

"Shut uuup," he whispered under his breath. He raised his voice to address the room as he continued. "We were hoping not to have to resort to this, but it seems like you give us no choice."

"Anything," the merchant said desperately. "Just don't burn it!" Ayen smirked as he lowered the bear again, and the merchant squealed as the brown fur darkened and smoked. "Anything!"

"We'll collect our pay and go, thank you." Ayen offered. The merchant looked wildly around the room, and Ayen narrowed his eyes. "You didn't bring it."

"I'm sure we can find something of equal va-stop stop stop!" he shrieked, as the tip of the bear's foot blackened.

"You were always going to double cross us." The lack of answer was answer enough. Ayen smirked as Mathilda gnashed her teeth below him. Val and Katsa slowly stood up. Everyone else in the room looked to the merchant, questioningly, but the bearded Human was beset with panic. Aden concluded, "I think we'll just be going then."

"This isn't over," he whimpered, as Val and Katsa slid toward the front door. Mathilda upended the remaining contents of her hip flask onto the wood plank floor, and Ayen touched the torch down on it as they all sprinted out into the night.

"I'm not normally one to stare into the mouths of gift horses," Val huffed, "but what the fuck was that?"

Katsa pulled a vial from her belt, chanting under her breath as she tossed it at the side entrance of the tavern. A scrawny man wielding a dagger ambled out of the kitchen just as the vial erupted against the ground. Scorched by the blast, he screamed and dove back inside as green-tinged flames engulfed the door and half of the side of the building.

"I don't care what it is," the Arcanist said with a grim frown.

"It's what was in the strongbox," Ayen grunted, as he leapt onto someone else's horse to make good his third escape of the day. "I was in and out of it before Val got there."

"An' you were jus' gon' keep i' fer yerself?" Mathilda shouted wordlessly as Val grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and hoisted her onto a pony.

"Less talking, more escaping!" Katsa shouted over the roar of flames.

"I might've kept it," he admitted. "I'm not normally one for a whole lot of planning."

"That's a perfectly acceptable battle plan," Val said, straining to keep the irritation from her voice as she mounted the biggest horse of the lot.

"Thank you," he said, tossing the torch down onto a pile of hay bales. The flames spread quickly through the dry straw. The remaining horses bucked and tossed until the flimsy hitching post yanked clear out of the ground, and they bolted in every direction.

"Why would you stick yer neck ou' for us," Mathilda shouted, as they turned their horses down the road, heading north out of Jonehn.

"Who cares," Val screamed.

"Ah do! Ah wanna hear him say it!"

"I dunno," Ayen shouted back "Normally, I wouldn't have gotten involved. I'd have just let them die and sipped my lager. No offense," he added a second later, tilting his head toward Katsa.

"None taken," she replied.

"Then why?" Mathilda roared, growing more impatient by the second.

"I was moved," he admitted. "Call it, fate?"

Mathilda grumbled under her breath and stared angrily up at the heavens.

Continued in Chapter 4

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