The True Source of Magic - Chapter 1 - Part 4

Chapter 1 - Part 4

And Lilith began recounting the long story of her past, beginning hundreds of years ago, and it included many lifetimes worth of events... She told of youth, love, vanity, war, Elves, magic, betrayal, deep sorrow... The later parts of her story included much suffering, hopelessness, then allegiance to the Dark King... gaining of incredible power... anger, vengeance... descent into darkness, and, eventually, a patronizing acceptance of the follies of all people. It was the later parts of her story that seemed to have the most influence on Lilith's current life. And much like Lilith herself, her entire story seemed to be the stuff of legends... a beautiful Human magician who loved a young half-Elf lord, and who so loved elven beauty that she sought to become an Elf, but became a dark copy of one instead. She became one of the Dark Elves... became a powerful and feared entity, became a demon in people's eyes. Yet Lilith's story was also very human, full of naive ideals, faults and mistakes, much regret and misery. Kadren felt she gained an understanding of Lilith, and even felt sorry for her... Lilith was no demon, or at least was not born one, and Kadren saw a sliver of hope for Lilith's redemption.

"Well, that was a long story..." said Lilith. "I'm sure you're bored stiff... But I don't think Coj was bored when he was stiff..." and Lilith burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles.

"I'm sorry," she said, when she quickly regained her composure. "I couldn't help myself. My sincerest apologies" - and she appeared sincere. "I don't mean to demean you or make light of your suffering...suffering from all the horrible truths I have thrust upon you... I just... just wanted to be a bit lighter of heart for a moment... My heart grows heavy whenever I reminisce about my past... no matter how many times I retell the story - even after centuries... You must know that it is with a serious and heavy heart that I decided on my life's work. I have balanced good and evil in all that I do, and I only do what I do, when more good comes of it than evil. You must see that now, after all that I have told you and shown you. As I have said, all of us are sinful - men, women, Humans, Elves. And there is so much suffering from all the sinful acts in this world; we suffer from our own sins and the sins of others. Because men rule our world, their sins are what we suffer from the most. Men have been given too much power, and we must seek to restore balance. It is through pleasure that we can seek this balance. Pleasure is a power we can wield and enjoy, and it is through pleasure that we can tame men and ease suffering. Women have more power than they know, but it is not through might and steel that we will become powerful, but through wisdom and kindness. I am mightier than any man now alive, and I am tougher than most any steel that man can make, yet I know I will fail should I try to conquer men as men do. I must win through their hearts and minds, and pleasure will be my weapon through which I forge victory. Pleasure is man's weakness... as it is all of ours, but men are slaves to it. Yet I seek not to enslave, but to ease suffering, for pleasure is not a dark weapon as many would have you believe; it has the power to enlighten... It brings meaning to meaningless lives."

She stopped talking and looked at Kadren meaningfully.

"I want you to help me, Kadren. I cannot save this world alone. Good help is hard to find, and great talent such as yours even harder. Please, Kadren. Join me."

Kadren remained silent. There were too many thoughts in her mind, and she did not know where to begin. It was a lot easier when she was wholly against Lilith, when Lilith was a demon, completely evil, with no redemption. But after hearing Lilith's story, Kadren could not help but feel some sympathy for her. She also agreed with Lilith that the world seemed cruel and sinful, and men seemed incapable of faithfulness (even noble men who professed love). But Kadren also remembered that Lilith had produced such sinful spells that had entrapped many and changed Coj into an unrecognizable fool. Lilith had also taken many lives so remorselessly and planned to continue doing so. Yet Kadren recognized that not all who encountered Lilith's magery became entrapped fools; Kadren herself was still herself. Did the enchantment only work on those that wanted it to work? If so, Lilith's magic was a test of will, and all those who failed deserved punishment, or to be governed by stronger wills. But stronger will did not necessarily mean good will... and what test was there to tell which will was good and which was evil? Too many things to think about...

Finally Kadren spoke: "But how can I help?..."- her voice cracked, hoarse with the long silence and turmoil she had faced. "...I have no such power that you have to do what you want."

"Oh, but Kadren, you are more powerful than you know," said Lilith; and she looked pleased that she was being asked that question. "Look how you sit there, still untouched and unspoiled. It is true that women are much more resilient against my powers of persuasion... no man caught unawares has been able to stand against my influence..." Lilith glanced at Coj, and Kadren felt a pang of sorrow. "But your power is beyond just being a woman... I had been watching you, and I knew you were strong before setting my influence on you, so I used all that I had on you; yet it was still not enough. Your incredible will is a power beyond any spell that is known to man, Human or Elf. And yet you also have good strength of body and skill in battle, and your magery is stronger than many who call themselves magician. And you are beautiful. So beautiful. I will make you even more beautiful. I will improve on all your great qualities. I will make you more powerful than any man alive, for I will give you incredible power most ancient."

Kadren stared at Lilith to try to learn more from her expression, but there was only a smile full of mysteries on Lilith's face.

Then Lilith gave the answer to the riddle: "I still have some of Valtus' blood left, and I intend to give you some..." Dark Blood! No!

Lilith had explained the source of her incredible powers as a gift of blood from Valtus... Valtus, The Dark King, the Evil One - to his followers he was the Night Elf King. He was a faraway figure in history, whose atrocious deeds were used by all Peoples of Daylight as a rallying cry against Darkness and evil. But it seemed to Kadren that most stories of the Evil One she had heard were made up to scare children into behaving. Kadren had always believed that most of it was myth - stories of vampires and undead armies, and demonic magic, and evil blood that warped and possessed. And yet Lilith was proof of such magic and power, and she was now promising Kadren mythical powers. She was promising Kadren Dark Blood, the curse of the Evil One.

"On the eve of the Final Battle, Valtus gifted to a few of us, some of his blood, stored in magic vials, that would preserve the power to change the world. He knew it would be a perilous battle, and even he, with his great knowledge and powers, could not be certain of the outcome. But he knew that true purpose must not be stopped, and he entrusted us to carry on the greater good, to find the right successors of our benevolent will. And so here we are - a chance to further the cause... It is exceedingly rare to find someone who might be able to withstand the King's Gift. It has been more than a century since I've met someone like you.

"You want to turn me into a... Dark Elf?... a Succubus, like you?" asked Kadren, still struggling with how fantastical this all seemed.

"Succubus... Elf..." Lilith seemed to be pondering. "Neither... and both. I want to make you even more beautiful... and I want to give you incredible power, as I've said before. It is undeniable that elven beauty is the truest form of beauty... It is magical beauty... It is the beauty of magic itself. And I can give you that form of beauty, for you have much strength of magic and will. You may have noticed that many of my charges"- Lilith swept her hand towards the sleeping prisoners -"bear the mark of failure... Unlike you, they are weak-bodied and weak-willed, and so they suffer the scars of being unable to receive my wonderful gifts. But even a failed attempt at elven beauty is beautiful" - having seen the pitiful faces without the fog of Lilith's enchantment, Kadren could not really agree. "But all that is for those who are ordinary and inferior to you. I can give you elven beauty, if that's what you want... or even fuller breasts, rounder hips, brighter eyes - all the things ordinary people wish for. But you are extraordinary, and I offer you something infinitely more important... I offer you Valtus' blood - the Blood of the Gods. With power beyond any mortal man, you can shape yourself as you please. You can invent new spells and new enchantments, or you can learn mine. You will have the magic to be whatever sort of beauty you please. You need not become a Night Elf as I have done, but you can make all those that behold you to see you as beautiful above any mortal alive; for your magic will be beyond any mortal alive, and magic is beauty. Magic is power. With the power I give you, you will become a god."

Lilith waited patiently with an expectant smile, waiting for Kadren's enthusiastic and grateful acceptance; but Kadren said instead: "There is only one God."

Lilith's smile left her face. Kadren continued: "You call it the Blood of the Gods, but I will call it Dark Blood as others have. It may grant you power beyond any mortal, yet you remain a mortal. The Dark King's story shows us the truth, for in the end he died, just like any mortal."

"Don't take my wording too seriously, Kadren," said Lilith. "I'm merely trying to convey the incredible magic and power you will receive."

"No, Lilith. I think the wording you used was your truth, and I take it seriously. I've been noticing all along how God has been absent from all that you do, or how you willfully ignore or twist His word to your ends. Yet I must admit I was fascinated by your story, and I felt pity for you and all the tragedy in your life. I felt compelled to help you in some way, and perhaps join you in your quest to change the world. But your wording has broken the spell... No good can come from any act if it does not first come from God... Your plans and deeds are based on the false truths you have come to believe in... yet there are higher truths than Beauty, higher truths than Pleasure, higher than Magic, higher than Power... But the truth above all else is God. I felt pity for you in hearing your tragedies, but I pity you now even more, since it is evident you have not found God in all your centuries of living. You are mistaken to think that the Dark King's power can make someone a god. One cannot become a god, for there is only One God. The Dark King is no god. He is only a lost soul, a child... a gifted child, but a child of God nonetheless. You have been worshipping the wrong god, and therefore all the truths you have learned are falsehoods. You say you know the truth of Love, but I hear nothing of true Love in your story... You say you loved Cal, but I hear only that you loved his beauty, and you loved the idea of possessing him... And the love the Dark King taught you is born from hate... True Love is freeing, and not possessive; it is generous and not hateful. I think you have not yet known true Love... Nonetheless, it matters not whether your love with Cal was true, or whether the love you learned from the Dark King was true, for the truest love is God's Love. And so I pity you, for you have experienced so much tragedy in your life, but the greatest tragedy of all is that you have never accepted God's Love... I pity you, and I want to help you, but I cannot join you, Lilith."

Lilith stared at Kadren, brows furrowed. Then her face lightened, and she began to chuckle. Her chuckling grew into cold laughter, and then into mad cackling.

"Oh my... " said Lilith, after the laughter stopped... "what deluded nonsense! But you are right... I've never found God, for there is no God. I was humouring you before, hoping you might see some reason, if I did not object outright to your delusion of God. It becomes very obvious that there is no God for anyone with intelligence and life experience. You are very intelligent, but sorely lacking in experience. You have been fed unwholesome lies throughout your life; and after having been filled to overflowing, you now vomit up those lies, like some young child reciting nursery rhymes, not knowing the meaning, only enjoying the sounds of the words. But it matters not what you believe, for you will soon know the truth - not the deluded truths in your rhymes and children's stories, but the real truth of the world. It matters not that you do not wish to join me now, for you will join us... You will join our cause. Years of experience will naturally lead you to us, unbidden... but we need not wait that long... I will give you experience quickly. You will have experiences you've never imagined, and you will begin to see the truth... You will know what it means to be a god. You will know that there is no God but the god people make."

"I will not join you," said Kadren quietly, willing herself to continue her defiance, knowing that pain was the likely consequence of her continued refusal. "I can never sacrifice others for my own ends... no matter how great a good I think I can perform... There can be no ‘greater good' if the means used to achieve it is no good at all... I would never take others' lives just to maintain my own... For me, it would not be gaining centuries of life, but centuries of torture... centuries of guilt... I know not how you could live under such a burden, but I will never be able to do so... I would sooner die..."

"We shall see..." said Lilith.

She issued forth some commands, and the goblinoids (goblin-dog mixes as Kadren had come to learn through Lilith's story) began arranging for Lilith to produce some blood into a chalice again, with the strange, blood-letting dagger. This time the chalice of blood was presented to Kadren.

"Drink," said Lilith.

"I will not participate in your disgusting rituals," uttered Kadren.

Lilith's anger crashed like thunder, and she lashed at Kadren suddenly, pulling her hair and snapping her head back.

"You will do as I say!" Lilith screamed. "You, who know nothing! You are but a child! An insolent fool spouting nonsense about God and truth, speaking to things you have no understanding of."

There was quite a bit of pain where her hair was being pulled, but Kadren remained defiantly silent. Lilith let go of Kadren's hair and continued on, less angry and more deliberate: "I have lived many lifetimes when you have barely lived one, yet you presume to know what's best. But you will soon learn how wrong you are..." And Lilith began to pour the hot metal-tasting liquid down Kadren's throat.

---

Very soon after, Kadren felt fog and desire return, the effects she had felt when she had been under Lilith's enchantment before; but this time there was a fiery intensity about them... Hate... Anger... Those were the words that Kadren thought best described the simmering feelings that accompanied the lustful and dreamlike state. However, it was no sleepy dream this time; it was an active dream, full of relentless, uncontrollable vigour. But Kadren fought off the desires, just like she had done before; and when the fog had passed, Kadren's burnt arm was very sore, for she had squeezed the wound area with her other hand, to draw out pain and use it as strength. She had squeezed hard enough that some of the salve came off, exposing parts of the still-raw burn wound underneath.

"Very good," said Lilith, sounding pleased. "You pass the test easily, as expected." Kadren did not think it was easy. "But that was just a sip of my blood, and tasting my blood is different from having it running in your veins. I have all of my blood coursing through my veins... you may well imagine the strength of will it takes to contain so much power as I have without being driven mad. Let me show you what it means to have a drop of my blood flowing inside."

She walked over to the two prisoners who had been with Coj. She gently nudged them with her elegant feet. The older-looking one was at death's door; the younger-looking one was sleeping deeply. Lilith cradled the dying one in one arm, and woke her up with a spell. The woman stared at Lilith with quiet devotion. Lilith then kissed her on the lips, while wrapping her hand around the dying woman's neck, and she began slowly tightening her grip. The woman barely struggled, only tightening her fists. Then it was over, and Kadren knew that Lilith had gained more youth and magic in exchange for the woman's life. To her astonishment, Kadren saw a trace of a smile on the woman's peaceful, lifeless face. Kadren saw that these people were more follower than prisoner.

But Lilith was not finished (she had not even started). She gave some commands and was soon holding a device that looked like a bulky, misshapen dagger with a needle where the end of a blade should be. The whole device, except for the needle-like end, reminded Kadren of an old, gnarled tree, but it looked much colder. The needle first punctured Lilith's skin, magically drinking blood from the vein in her arm. Lilith then poked at the surviving follower's arm, and a little of Lilith's blood was magically transferred to the sleeping follower. After a moment, the woman opened her eyes and began an unbelievable rampage...

It was even more frenzied than when she had attacked Coj. A pair of male followers had been brought over to her, woken up roughly (by the goblinoids) and then magically (by one of Lilith's many spells), and the woman pounced on them. It looked like she could not decide on which one to attack first, her hands frantically travelling back and forth between the two men. The lustful men wanted her as well, but not quick enough or strong enough; it seemed to Kadren that nothing would ever be enough for the crazed woman. The woman took the manhoods in her hands and in her mouth, desperately coaxing and forcing the impossible from them. When the penises were ready enough, the woman stuffed one in her womanhood, and the other she kept in her mouth.

She ravaged them. Her mad lust would not be satiated. The men did their best, but they could not approach her level of unbridled ferocity. The men's lust was unnaturally strong, yet it just was not enough. She was the victor. Over and over again she was the victor. The men changed places... they changed positions... they licked... they tongued... they plowed deep... they plowed fast... they tried satisfying all her orifices... but nothing was enough.

Kadren noticed strange things happening as the carnal carnival went on. Kadren felt like every time the woman swallowed the men's seed, in her mouth or in her womb, the woman gained more life and magic, and the men edged closer to death; this was possible based on what Lilith had said about her Dark powers. But Kadren also thought she saw sparks of escaping magic, and was wondering if she was just imagining things. It soon became apparent that it was not just imagination, but part of a nightmarish reality.

The woman was slowly taking the men's lives, but she was doomed herself. She did not have the capacity to handle the awesome power and the magic being given to her. The more she engaged in pleasure, the more the men wanted her and to give her all they had; the more they gave, the more she wanted from them. Their desires fed and strengthened her desires, and hers in turn theirs - it was a perpetual, unstoppable cycle. Then, when the magic was too much for the untrained, and (sadly) magically-untalented young woman, the magic rebelled against her and began killing her.

It was only later that Kadren was able to fully put together what she had seen. When it was happening, all Kadren saw was insane debauchery, sparks of magic (which she initially thought were sparks of her imagination), then some subtle and weird changes to the shapes and appearance of the participants, and then a series of horrible and not-so-subtle magical phenomena that hurt and mutilated them... Fire? water? lightning? wind? earth?... It looked like either one spell that could not decide what it wanted to be, or multiple spells fighting for the same space. There were flashes of light, sudden heat, sudden cold, dampness, a rush of air, rumbling, loud sounds, quiet sounds, strange sounds, and other more difficult to describe phenomena. The woman shone at certain points in time, or became eerily dark... then certain parts of her grew, or shrunk, or shriveled, or bloated, or melted, or exploded, or burned with fire...

So strong was their lust that the three participants continued their activities for a while longer than expected. But, eventually, the magical damage was too much, and they began writhing and screaming.

Lilith swooped over to the woman first, and the sleeping kiss was given. All of the magic phenomena stopped. The screaming stopped. The broken, charred, deformed body stopped moving. Then the woman was dead, a trace of a smile on her disfigured face.

One of the men had died before Lilith could reach him, from his injuries and from having his life drained through his lust. The other one Lilith kissed as well, and he too died with a ghost of a smile.

When all was quiet again, Lilith turned to Kadren and said, "So now you see the incredible amount of power contained within me. You can imagine the will it takes to live with such power. Life and death is in your hands. It is not easy to be a god, but someone has to do it... Praying and hoping will not make the world better. There is no god but the ones we make. And the world needs another god, Kadren. We need your help. It is time to stop praying and preaching, and do some real good instead."

She stopped talking to Kadren, and gave more commands to her goblinoids.

Lilith continued: "It will not be easy. In fact, it will be very hard. To be a god is an enormous burden to carry, but it is not without its rewards..."

One of the sleeping male followers had been brought over. He was a young man, of the age when one was finally acknowledged as a fully grown man. And he was handsome, naturally handsome, without any signs of Lilith's handiwork - perhaps a new recruit. Lilith woke him up with a wave of her hand. His eyes opened sleepily. Lilith stirred him with a smile and elegantly provocative movements. His eyes opened wider, and his manhood began stirring as well.

Lilith then began shining with beauty, not a blinding sort of shining, but a hint of something otherworldly. She became impossibly lovely, with the unseen, inner magery at work. The young man himself looked more beautiful as well, bathing in Lilith's light. Such lust was in his eyes, but also such devotion, and his phallus was desperately reaching out to his goddess, rigid and full of worship.

Lilith rewarded his devotion with her goddess body. And though it was a reward of the flesh, there was something spiritual about the whole process, something divine. A scene of heavenly beauty and pleasure played out in front of Kadren, both participants screaming in ecstasy, sometimes with voice, but mostly with body.

Then it was over, and the young man was dead, with unmistakable signs of pleasure on his face. Kadren thought she sensed a larger amount of magic created with this death, because of the young and vigorous life for which the magic had been exchanged. And the delivery was not through a kiss this time, but through the womb... It seemed inherently obvious that more could be channeled through the womb.

Lilith appeared unchanged, yet younger in some undefinable way. Much youth and much magic had been gained through the young man's sacrifice to his goddess, and both had obviously enjoyed the process immensely.

Lilith stopped shining, but was still inhumanly beautiful. She walked over to Kadren, the needle-dagger in her hand, freshly filled with Lilith's own blood, and said, "Your turn."

Kadren, still mesmerized by what she had just seen, did not even protest as Lilith punctured her vein, and gave her the demonic blood; there was not much Kadren could do to prevent it, anyway.

Then it happened... fog and desire... with hate and anger simmering underneath... but much worse this time, for there was also... pain!; there was no other word for it. When she had fought Lilith's enchantment before, she had only felt like she was struggling mightily not to slip away; but now it was intensely painful. And it grew worse as the followers began waking up...

One by one the horde of followers were slowly being woken up. Two male followers were now standing in front of Kadren, and she felt a compulsion to pounce, to attack... not attacking with steel or fist, but Kadren knew it could become a lethal attack nonetheless. She remembered how the female follower had attacked the men, the mindless frenzy with which they performed their deeds, and she wanted to do the same. But it was not just through lust and desire that the woman had attacked the men, it was also through fear - fear of death; Kadren understood that now. The blood seemed to Kadren an evil entity with its own will... a demon... and it wanted to destroy, and possess, and take life... and it did not care whose life... If the host did not please it quick enough, the blood would show its deadly displeasure. That was why the woman had so frantically done the demon-blood's bidding: it was a race to save her own life, a race she lost.

A dozen or so of the followers were standing in front of Kadren now. They had turned their attention towards Lilith first, but Lilith wanted Kadren to be the centre of attention; so Lilith commanded her followers to pay attention to Kadren, and she also performed some mysterious magery that made the followers irresistibly drawn to Kadren. They now stared at Kadren with undisguised carnal wanting, and Kadren enjoyed it; she enjoyed their desires. She could feel their thoughts, and their wanting of her empowered her, exhilarated her... She could sense that their lives were in her hands; and from what Lilith had been telling and showing her, Kadren surmised that she could indeed take their lives, and make it her own, adding years and vitality to her own life. And she knew she would enjoy it immeasurably. She had an overwhelming desire to crush them all, and her loins spoke this desire the loudest. There was no love in it... If she pounced, there would be no pretense of ‘making love'; it would be pure satisfaction of the flesh. The more followers that gave their devotion to her, the more Kadren felt a demonic desire to crush them, to pounce at them.

But Kadren did not pounce. She somehow willed herself to stay in the same spot, but she did not stay still. She writhed, and yelled, and prayed, and suffered dreadfully... Kadren was being pulled in different directions, and felt like she was going to be ripped apart. It was a new kind of torment... An insidious hate for these men, and maybe all men... a desire to crush them with lust and pleasure... a desire to appease the demon, to save her own life... all this amounted to pain. She knew that pouncing on the followers would relieve the pain, but she also knew it would mean an irreversible slide into darkness.

Yet even without pouncing on them, their mere desires and attention gave Kadren power. She knew for a fact that she was already killing them slowly and gaining magic, without even touching them; Lilith's Dark Blood had given her the ability to sense these things. And the more she took from them, the more she wanted to touch them, to take everything from them. And when Kadren looked at the followers, desiring her so, and with such devotion in their eyes, she began to believe she was being worshipped, and worship gave her power.

Kadren felt the magic building. Then the magic began squirming, flashing, rebelling, trying to escape Kadren's tenuous hold. But even through her extreme suffering, Kadren was able to hold on to the basics of her magical training: focus. Kadren reflexively focused on thoughts of God first, not allowing the growing and restless magic to take over; for thought drove magic, and only disciplined thought could discipline magic. Kadren had never had this incredible amount of magic at her disposal before, but she found that the principles of magic were the same, even with copious amounts of magic. Chaotic thoughts made the magic behave chaotically, with random spells being birthed left and right; that was what happened to the poor untalented, untrained young woman, who Lilith used as an example and sacrifice. The irony, though, was that the dense abundance of magic caused havoc in the mind, as alien thoughts emerged unbidden, making unwelcome suggestions, or purposeful thought was simply, inexplicably derailed. Magic needed focus, yet magic made it difficult to focus. However, Kadren was magically trained, and much more talented than the unfortunate young woman, and she had the ability to fight back against the wild magic, though no ability to know if she would win. So she fought on, locked in a life-and-death struggle to tame the beast.

But Kadren found that the Dark blood was full of ironies. For though the demonic blood threatened her life and sanity, it also gave her the ability to contain all the new powers and vitality. Fire, or ice, or lightning, or magic never encountered before... she sensed the birth of many infant, elemental spells, and she knew instinctively where to store them inside her, in the intangible space newly built just for magic. The colossal trouble lay in trying to direct the dangerously unruly powers into the appropriate space. This took all of Kadren's talent, training, focus, faith, and more.

So it was in the middle of this tempest that Kadren hung on to her life with a death clutch, praying with all her might. It was excruciating torment: the desire to crush the worshipers, the treacherous magic bucking and rebelling, the instinct to attack, to survive ... Kadren held on, somehow... painfully, devoutly...

After what seemed like days, the storm gradually receded. The magic began settling into the right places inside her, and the desire to absorb and kill became a nagging whisper. The demon had quieted for now, satisfied by what it had taken from the worshippers, and what it had taken from Kadren... Kadren lay in a ragged heap on the bed, breathing deep. The burn wound was fully exposed and rubbed raw, the salve having come off completely. She could hardly believe what she had just went through. Even more unbelievable: she had survived, and remained Kadren from Borjes, Sister of the Shining Order.

"Excellent!," said Lilith, sounding genuinely pleased. "I'm very impressed, and proud of you. Now you have a faint glimpse into my world. You had only three drops of my blood, but I have all of it! It is my strength of will that allows me to live with such power, and not be driven insane. But I know you possess the strength of will needed to do good. You have done wonderfully... Some don't even survive a sip of my blood..." and she glanced at the dead female worshipper before turning back to Kadren. "You have now started on the path of godhood. It is far from over. You still have much to learn, and much more suffering to endure before you will have the strength to do any real good. How do you feel?"

Kadren felt worn out, beaten, traumatized, and like she had traveled great distances to be closer to Death.

"You could have killed me," said Kadren.

"There was a small chance of that, yes," said Lilith, easily. "But it was a chance we had to take, for the greater good. If I saw that your life on the precipice, I would have intervened, but I had to let you experience and endure in order for you to learn and become stronger."

"I am not a god," said Kadren, unprompted. "There is only one God. I remain Kadren of the Shining Order, a cleric of the One True God. And you are no god, Lilith. Just a very powerful magician."

Lilith laughed. "Very good. But you are still only partly correct. We are no gods, true, because gods don't exist - there is no God. A god is whatever people worship. And people will worship us, for we are powerful, and beautiful, and people worship Beauty and Power. Given time, your beauty and power will grow to the status of a god, just like mine has. But you need not wait centuries to reach the height of your powers. In fact, we have no time for that; our enemies are coming for us. I will teach you and strengthen you quickly. You will receive more and more of my blood, until you are powerful enough to withstand Valtus' blood, undiluted - the closest source of Ancient Power. I will have to quicken the process, and you will have to endure much, but I have high hopes for you... I have measured you, and tested you, and you have far surpassed so many. How I have desperately searched for one such as you. I know you will be the strongest of my daughters, save perhaps for one." Lilith spoke increasingly in a rush, looking excited at the prospect of what she proposed.

"I don't understand... the words you speak are confusing..." said Kadren.

Lilith laughed again, and said, "You need not rush to understand. All you need to do is heed my advice, place your trust in me, and pledge your services to me, to the greater good."

"But I don't," said Kadren. "I don't pledge anything to you. I don't trust you. You keep speaking of being a god, and making me a god, but I tell you I believe in no such thing. I believe only in God. My God - the One True God, not the god of your making, or people's making, or any making at all."

"Yes, I know. It is a nuisance I must deal with in exchange for such a talented and strong-willed daughter. But let me ask you this, Kadren: If God existed, why doesn't He stop me from doing this..." and in a flash she was upon one of the men, and gave them the sleeping kiss... another worshiper dead, peacefully, happily. She then moved on to the next, and did the same.

"No!" yelled Kadren.

Lilith paused, just to shout, "Well, where is He? Where is your God? Ask Him to stop me!"

And she swooped onto her next victim, this time a woman, who stood there waiting, welcoming.

"Stop it!" shouted Kadren. But Lilith did not stop, and the woman died.

"Please!" Kadren screamed. "Stop!" and she tried to get to Lilith, but crumpled to the floor next to the bed instead. Lilith did finally stop though.

"Well, my daughter. Where is God?," asked Lilith. "Why did He not stop me if He exists? Surely, such outright blasphemy cannot be endured by an all-good, almighty God. You must see the truth... there is no God. If there was, He would not let terrible things happen in this world, and I would not have to become a god to save it. Well? What do you have to say!"

Kadren looked down, as Lilith's stare was intense - sad and accusatory all at once. After a while, however, Kadren mustered the courage to face the pitiful, angry stare. She said: "Terrible things happen in this world, that is true; but so do many beautiful and wonderful things, yet we forget to blame God for those things as well. We will never know the mind of God, but we can be certain that He loves us. He so loves us that He allows us to be free, to make our own destiny. It is inevitable that we will run into mistakes and evil, when we have the freedom to make our own choices... much like a small child will fall and hurt herself when allowed to run free. But that is good, for it is through struggling and striving that we truly succeed. It is only through suffering, that we can truly appreciate the Good of God. And it is only then will we feel we truly deserve a place in Heaven. We must embrace all that is given to us, for with every fall and hurt we face, we become stronger and closer to..."

"Silence! You keep spouting such nonsense!" shouted Lilith in annoyance. "Well, that's quite alright," she said more quietly. "You need not believe me now, for you will experience it yourself. If my blood does not change you, Valtus' blood will. Once the Blood of the Gods touches your vein, you will change, and you will change your mind. Your strength of will has allowed you to survive the receipt of my blood without having to take a life so far, but you will not be able to preach from your pulpit on high for long. You will come down to join the rest of us very soon, and you will come down hard. But I will be here for you, Kadren. You shall see... you shall see that I am the one who will love you the most, and I am the one that has been telling you the truth..."

There was a brief silence as the two stared at each other, both believing their own words, but with no more words to convince the other. Finally Kadren spoke: "How can you take a life so easily, Lilith? Why do you continue to be so angry through the centuries? Have you not learnt to forgive? It must be such a heavy burden to carry... such anger and hate."

"I was angry once," replied Lilith. "Just as I'm sure you are now. But you are directing your anger at the wrong individual. I am not the true source of your misery; I am merely the messenger of truth. You should be angry at your Coj for being so weak, and betraying you" - and Kadren could not help but feel a pang of hurt at those words. "Better yet, you should be angry at all men for being such inconsistent and cruel creatures. But most fitting of all, you should be angry at your God, for making all these horrible things happen in the world, or, at best, allowing them to happen, and do nothing."

Lilith paused, but Kadren had no retort. Lilith continued: "No, Kadren, I have long been done with being angry. I was angry, long ago - angry at all the men in the world, about how ‘sinful' they are - as you like to say, but I have since learned that we are all sinful... men, women, Elves, Humans... It is a fruitless dream to hope for complete good in this world; what we can hope to do is make this world less sinful. I have come to accept the sinful world we live in. It is full of wrong and misery, but I did not cause all the evils in the world; I only intend to fix them as best I can. I shall not commit the sin of doing nothing... just preaching and praying. You say what I do is sinful, and I will not waste time arguing that point, but I tell you earnestly that what I do is the least of all possible sins, and that is all we can strive for in this world: less sin. If we all strive for less sin, this world will be a paradise compared to what it is now."

Lilith paused to survey the dead worshippers before continuing. "I know you accuse me of being a murderer, and I will accept the title of life-taker, if I will also be given the title of life-giver... happiness-giver. Surely, you must have noticed the delight and contentment I give them... these poor souls" - Kadren could not deny it. "I give these poor souls life - not just a life of toiling and dying for some unworthy cause, or some uncaring person they have to call ‘Lord', but a good life... a life filled with joy and pleasure, up till even the very last moment" - and, again, Kadren could not help but mostly agree, recalling the smiles of the dying. "I will carry the burden of being a god; I will suffer the slings and arrows of blame, and accusations, and misunderstanding... I do not ask for thanks, but thanks I'm sure I will receive in the end. For now I only ask for help, your help. I need your help to begin our campaign of good, and we need worshippers... just a small number of them to begin with. A god is nothing without worshippers... and worship means sacrifice... sometimes with a sooner end to life... But it is a price my worshippers pay willingly for a good life, a happy life. It is time for a real god to rise. It is time for a woman god. I would think it obvious to all who use reason that the concept of God was man-made. It is womankind who birth, who create, who make, who build. Men only use and destroy, even to their own destruction. If God exists, then we should be praying to Her, not to Him. But God does not exist... not yet. I will be the people's God, and so will you; a real God, a God who cares and is actually there."

There was a silence, Lilith giving Kadren time to ponder, and Kadren taking that time. After a while, Kadren asked, "What do you plan to do, exactly?"

"I plan to build an army," replied Lilith. "Not an army of might and steel like Valtus, but an army of my beautiful children, with you at the head of it, alongside me. We will not conquer by brute strength, but by winning hearts and minds. We will enter the sinners' kingdoms through their bedrooms, and we will then sit in the throne rooms. But we need a large enough army to conquer many kingdoms at once, otherwise there will be needless war and bloodshed. And I need your help, for I cannot build and lead an army that large all by myself. I have only recently regained enough strength to start on our campaign of good... which should have started a century or more ago, had I not been betrayed. But alas! I have been forced into a century of slumber... and the world has become a century darker... But it is not too late. Now is the time to act. It will be an extremely hard but worthy endeavour. We will face powerful enemies. We will face lords and kings, and enemies with Ancient Power like us... And if the betrayer shows up... well, we will have to kill one of our own..."

It seemed to Kadren that the last couple of sentences were more spoken to Lilith herself rather than to Kadren, and Lilith now stood silently, staring at invisible things from centuries past. But the words Lilith just spoke brought so many questions to Kadren's mind, and she wanted Lilith to answer them. However, before she could even ask a single question, five very beautiful figures entered the chamber.

"Ah! it is time to meet some of your sisters, Kadren," said Lilith. "You are all sisters through my blood. You will meet all of them eventually, but most of them have scattered far and wide to do my bidding."

Lilith's blood-children were all Elf-beautiful, with moonlight skin... in the image of Lilith... in the image of Dark Elves, a corruption of the once proud Moon Elves. But none of them were nearly as beautiful as Lilith herself. Some could be mistaken for Elves, but most still had a subtle commonness about them that announced their humanity. Kadren guessed that these were worshippers who showed some magical talent, and had survived the blood-giving, so were elevated to status of "children". The healthy maiden who had brought Coj in (and performed carnal deeds with him) had gotten up to stand beside her sisters. Kadren could tell that she was the least of all of them, her look being the most human of all - an indicator of her juvenile powers.

"You love elven beauty so much; why did you not just recruit Elves?" asked Kadren, with a light taunt in her words.

Lilith gave a short patronizing chortle, then said, "Well, my clever Kadren, it's because Elves are an arrogant bunch, beautiful though they are. They feel themselves to be superior. But we need not learn their foolishness, only their beauty, and we can let them think us inferior. Valtus, however, was wise enough to see the qualities in everyone, and so took me in - a Human; and he was defeated by a Human, yet Elves are quick to forget that. I could easily crush any regular Elf, yet many of them still foolishly, or stubbornly refuse to follow me as leader. It matters not. Once our cause is set into motion, we will have followers and worshippers of all races. But before you think you have made some clever jest at my expense, let me remind you that your beloved Coj is half-elven, and you, like everyone else, obviously admire elven beauty. Now..." and she turned to her children before Kadren could retort - "you have something to report?"

One of them, who was dressed in camouflage, almost like a Ranger, spoke something to Lilith that could not be heard by Kadren. Several added their piece afterward; and after some interchanges, there seemed to be a disagreement brewing, but Lilith broke it off with a wave of her hand.

"It seems we have run out of time. Our enemies are near," Lilith announced. "I could keep you in bondage while we escape, Kadren, but I think I'd rather have a daughter in need of nursing than a prisoner that might aid the enemy - ignorantly and to her own detriment," she added, somewhat vehemently. "I know I have not converted you to our cause yet, and I have no time to continue our debate. I'll let my blood do the talking. I'm sorry, Kadren; you must suffer yet again..." The needle-dagger was in Lilith's hand again. "You've done well with three drops of my blood... Let's see how you do with an ounce..."

The tempest rose again, stronger, more hellish!... perhaps, in part, because this time the whole horde was used to incite and seduce Kadren to Lilith's cause - dozens of worshippers, men and women, wanted to give all they had to Kadren. But though the forces pulling on her were stronger, Kadren felt empowered by her survival of the previous ordeal, and she resolutely suffered on, prepared to die as Kadren of the Shining Order, if she had to. However, it would not be so easy...

They decided to use Coj this time... Coj standing there... so handsome, sturdy, erect, and... infuriating! Kadren felt an anger she had been trying to hide from herself, but the demon found it, and was now using it to grow strong. Oh! how she wanted to swallow him whole, this infuriating, beautiful man, this love of her life, this first love, this last love, this betrayer, this end of her life... If she should lose to her base desires, she might as well lose herself with Coj, but she knew she could not; for she knew she would not be able to stop until he was dead, and that was what Lilith wanted...

"Go, Kadren!" yelled Lilith. "Take him! Let him play his part. It will be an honourable death. Take him as I took Cal. Only then will you be free of your shackles! If he loves you, he will gladly give you his life, his everything; and if you love him, you should gladly give him this honour, this status as your first step to godhood. Take his life, Kadren! If not, you will die! Do it! Do it now!"

Kadren looked for alternatives... She could take those other men, but that would mean her first would not be Coj... But if it meant saving Coj's life... No! Why should she take these innocent men's lives? But were they innocent? She had seen some things that said otherwise. But then was Coj so innocent? She could just die... but were any of them worth dying for?... She wanted to live... Now she was battling herself on top of battling the tempest - what hellish torment!

And in the midst of all that... a memory?... It felt to Kadren like she had been there, but that was impossible... there was no such event in her history... Perhaps it was Lilith's memory... A couple... The woman was dark-skinned... darker than Kadren... And there was destruction!... Fire... Blood... Kadren felt an attachment to the couple... love?... But there was no love now... just fear... and desperation.... desperate for the couple to help her... desperate for them to stay alive... She needed them... she was so small... and helpless... why couldn't they help her?... But they couldn't even help themselves... they... died?... Kadren could not really see... but... slaughtered! - that seemed closer to the truth... and pain!... Their pain?... No, it was Kadren herself... she was being tortured... by Lilith... by Coj... by the worshippers...

Kadren could not recall how exactly, but she eventually was able to hang onto one purpose, which was to stay put and suffer. It must have been God - "Thank you, God." She prayed and thanked, even as she was being torn to shreds by the pain - thankful for the strength to suffer, and die if needed... thankful for a short but good life, a devout life... She wondered briefly if this was the exact moment of her death, for how could she be so thankful when being tortured so...

Then it was over. Kadren could not really remember how long, or how... It seemed her mind or soul hid from her or rid her of much of the torment, so that she would never have to experience it again, not even if shielded by the thin veil of memory. She opened her eyes, vision blurry, limbs and body refusing to move as if in protest of all that Kadren had put them through.

Through the blurriness she saw Lilith's face... some disappointment, but mostly excitement... Coj was still standing there, staring stupidly, and with... concern?... maybe he was still capable of that. And the horde of worshippers seemed subdued as well. Perhaps Kadren had really put on a show.

But importantly she had won. She had paid a terrible price for victory. She felt old... thin and stretched. She had travelled all the way to Death's gates for the victory, but Kadren felt it a fair price to pay.

Kadren laughed, her voice weak and hoarse, and she said, "I have defeated you twice now. Your Dark blood has no hold over me. I felt in your blood that you are scared and angry... like a child... You say you are no longer angry, but I have felt anger in your blood. This is still all about petty revenge for you. You are no god, Lilith, and your cause is far from righteous. You are an angry child, Lilith, and I pity you. I pity you, but I'll never join your cause."

"This is excellent," Lilith replied. "Your will is incredible. Your hold on life and onto yourself is unbreakable it seems. But you will be converted, Kadren! We will not leave this place with you still being a defiant fool!" And Kadren saw in Lilith's expression a bit of prideful anger. "Valtus' blood leaves no one unchanged. I just did not know that I would be giving you the King's Gift today. This should be a joyous occasion... a successor to our benevolent will is to be born today. But we must celebrate your rebirth quite a bit later, I'm afraid. We have to make ready to depart, and you will likely be fit only for much sleep after your rebirth. But we will guard you closely; you will be the most precious cargo on our journey. Let us begin to pack all the essentials, and bring whatever we can. Unfortunately, we must bid some of our worshippers a fond farewell..."

And Kadren saw Lilith's children descend upon the worshippers, to milk the last bit of life from the cattle, to feed before a long journey. But many were saved for Kadren, including Coj. "You will need much worship for your rebirth," said Lilith. Lilith herself did not feed, but disappeared for a time. With Lilith gone, Kadren lay there naked, in a half-dream, the warm rays of the sun-like globes high up softly bathed her skin. She believed for a brief moment that she was taking a nap in the garden back home. She awoke from her reverie as the chamber filled with moans, and yelps, and screams of pleasure. She opened her eyes to weakly survey the orgiastic scene, and she saw Lilith's squad of succubi enjoying their carnal meals, both men and women. Kadren guessed that Lilith had spiced up their meals with enchantments, for the succubi enjoyed ferociously the unhealthy and pitiful-looking worshippers, as if they were the shapeliest, most desirable creatures; and the sickly worshippers responded with unnatural vigor. However, none of Lilith's children had anything close to Lilith's power or appetite, for their prey remained alive after the feeding. Only a couple of the sickliest-looking prey had their last drop of life drained from them, but it took a longer time than it had taken Lilith to polish off an entire young, vigorous worshipper by herself. Both prey that died were men, and Lilith guessed it was easier to steal life through men's seed than it was through a woman's seedless climax.

When Lilith finally returned, she held something dark in her hand, and said to Kadren, "It is time for you to die and be reborn." And for the first time, Kadren believed Lilith absolutely...

It was a small vial, almost empty except for a few drops of blood. And though the blood was red, there was a darkness to it that made the mind see black even though the eyes saw red. And that was all Kadren could see at first glance - darkness. The blood lay in a clear vial that seemed to be made of precious crystal, but it could not shine because of the darkness within. When Kadren saw it, and when Lilith spoke the words quietly, all hope was extinguished from Kadren. She had not felt such fear before. Kadren sensed an awesome power in those few drops, and if Lilith's blood was a demon, then this vial contained the king of all demons, the Devil himself...

The vial of blood sat in Lilith's hand with a sinister smile, telling Kadren, without speaking, that it had been plotting something unimaginably evil for her for centuries now. There was no escaping. She thought she was strong; she thought she was favoured by her God; she thought she had defeated all evil. How naively arrogant she had been. She had not even begun to suffer...

"This is Valtus' blood, the King's Gift," said Lilith. "Even after all the centuries, my blood has never even come close to the potency of Valtus' blood. One drop of this will turn you into a god... if you survive... But you will survive Kadren, you must... "

"Please..." Kadren whispered, "please, don't..."

Lilith was not listening. She was preparing the needle-dagger.

"Please," begged Kadren. "Don't give that to me. Please."

Lilith opened the vial, and Kadren felt an unnatural chill; she was sure her soul was being sucked away.

"No!" she screamed, and Kadren's dead limbs suddenly came to life. But it was no use. She was barely strong enough to stand, and Lilith easily held her with a spell that wrapped vines of black smoke all around her. The vines looked incorporeal as smoke, but held tighter than the strongest rope. Kadren lay in bondage on the bed, writhing, screaming, tears flowing...

She eventually stopped screaming, and just lay there quietly sobbing, horror slowly giving way to the blackest of despair... This was the end. What a long and tragic chapter to end such a short life. She hoped it would end in death, but that would be a miracle.

Kadren caught glimpses of the needle-dagger, ready to end her in the most evil way. She saw Lilith's face, determined, merciless. She saw Coj standing there, beautiful, ready to be sacrificed. He would die this time; she was certain. She would become something that cared not of preserving anyone's life, not even Coj's; she would become like Lilith. Kadren thought it silly that she ever pitied Lilith, or to think that Lilith was human. She wondered if she would still remember what it was like to be Kadren; or did the Devil forget all that was good? Perhaps that's how the Devil was capable of such evil. So these would be her last thoughts as Kadren. She prayed for God to take her life. She prayed even harder for God to take her soul before the Devil took it. And in that infinite moment of waiting for the end, Kadren sorted through flashes of her whole life, as if she might find a clue that foretold it was all going to end like this.

End of Chapter 1

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Endnote: Is this the end? I hope not. I really want to keep writing, but if I don't get enough support, then I'll just have to be resigned to the fact that I'm stuck at a regular job, and I'll just have to write in a diary or something.

I haven't even begun to tell the story, really. So many questions to answer. What will Kadren become? Will she still be loved? Will she be capable of love? What will become of Coj and Dern? Is being an unimpressive wizard all there is to Dern? Will Coj survive? Will he find redemption for what he has done? And, ultimately, what is the true source of magic?

The next chapter will take us to Kadren's past, but this story isn't just about Kadren. There is also Coj and Dern, and it is Dern's story that I most want to tell. But if no one wants read about it...

Well, you guys let me know.

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