Chapter 1
He was sixteen years old, tall and lanky, with long black hair, pale skin, and dark eyes. These eyes masked an inner pain with a clouded gaze that could instantly switch to a penetratingly cold stare, which few could endure, if provoked. This, unfortunately, happened quite often as he was seen as an outcast and was tormented quite regularly by one particular clique.
Severus Snape was too quiet, too withdrawn, too independent to be accepted by many of the other student's at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Severus was in House Slytherin while his nemesis, James Potter, a popular boy who gave the appearance of being kind and generous, yet tormented Severus for sport in public, was in the rival House Gryffindor. James had many friends while Severus remained a mostly a loner. Yet for all James's popularity he could not resist going out of his way to deride and humiliate Severus at every opportunity, despite Severus's attempts to avoid James.
James disliked Severus because he was so dark, anti-social, and secretive. The main reason James gave for taunting Severus was because of “the fact that he exists.” The rationale for his cruelty ran little deeper than that. However, another reason for his abusiveness was a girl named Lily Evans. Lily was a beautiful, kind girl whom Severus had not only been friends with as a child but also developed a crush on not long afterward. However, Lily was James's girlfriend. Once James became aware of Severus's attraction to Lily, he tormented Severus more. James didn't even feel the need to defend his position as her amour. Yet, something in James spurred him to mock Severus in front of others in order to remind him and the rest of the school how ridiculous the possibility of Severus and Lily ever getting together was. James found it positively hilarious that anyone like Severus could hope to win over someone like Lily, especially with a poster boy like himself around. Lily, for her part, did not approve of James's cruelty, but his actions were such a crowd pleaser that James rarely paid attention to her attempts to stop him.
Severus was devastated by his encounters with James and his gang of friends. He became more morbid and morose, spending most of his time in the dungeons of the school working on the only two things that gave him much pleasure—potions and learning about the Dark Arts. Severus's life at Hogwarts was miserable but not as bad as his life at home with an abusive father and neglectful mother. There seemed to him like there was no escape from life's suffering and so he became less involved in life. He gradually hardened himself against the world and especially the other students, learning more and more curses and hexes to vent his frustrations. Yet, at times he was still deeply hurt. During these he would hide himself away, broken-hearted, trying not to think about the pain of his existence which seemed like it would never end.
Little did he realize, that at times when he watched Lily from a safe distance, there was someone watching him with the same tenderness, attraction, and longing. Her name was Bethany Wright and she was in House Ravenclaw. She had been secretly drawn to Severus for years. The first time she had seen him walking across the lawns she had noticed his attractive face half-covered by long, sleek black hair. Bethany had thought his tall, lean body very alluring despite the fact that he slumped his shoulders and walked with his head down. She had always been attracted to tall boys with pale complexion, so she noticed him immediately. She also happened to be attracted to shy guys because they were never domineering nor did they try to push her into doing things that she wasn't comfortable with. She had been on dates with enough guys like that to know better.
Bethany was, as a Ravenclaw, also very studious and was impressed by Severus's dedication to school work, which she noticed whenever the Slytherins and Ravenclaws had a class together. Severus was extremely intelligent and perceptive which turned Bethany on all the more. Moreover, Severus's mysterious, loner-nature intrigued her. For though she had many friends, she was at heart so independent and quirky that she required a fair amount of time alone.
On a minor note, his darkness and even his status as an outcast endeared him more to her. Bethany had in her past been the odd loner who was too smart and too different to be accepted by most schoolmates. Though that time had passed, she remembered the overshadowing loneliness of being the outsider. She grew more and more fond of Severus the more often they had classes together, even though he was reclusive and they barely spoke. She watched him and, nervous as her crush made her, went out of her way to interact with him, whether by arranging so that they were partners in Potions class, finding some clever means to get him to talk, or just by being cheerful around him and smiling at him whenever she had the chance.
For a long time, Severus didn't understand or trust Bethany's actions. No one else was so nice to him. What agenda did she have? Was she trying to lure him into a false sense of security so that she could find out some secret to use against him? Bethany was not acquainted with any of Severus's enemies in Gryffindor, but he was so raw from the jeers he received that he was mistrusting of everyone, including the few people in Slytherin he considered friends. Still, she treated him with respect and acted unaware of his unpopularity. She never seemed disappointed when they were paired up in class. In fact, every time he was near her she was happy and smiling. He didn't understand.
It never occurred to Severus that Bethany might like him. After all she was beautiful, intelligent, and fairly popular, much like Lily. And he bitterly knew that girls like Lily associated themselves with other popular people and dated high-profile boys. So he was oblivious to Bethany's flirtations, still wrapped in the dream of himself with Lily that he knew would never come true. Besides, even though he enjoyed Bethany's company when they were thrown together because she treated him like an equal, he hid his face from her smiles. He didn't dare risk the rumours and tauntings that would follow if anyone suspected he liked another popular girl. So he went on trying to squash his feelings for Lily and attempting to rationalize Bethany's civilities. As he admired Lily in vain from a distance, he too was being admired, though he would have never guessed it.
Being a Ravenclaw, Bethany was never really around when the Slytherins were paired up in class with the Gryffindors. So she didn't see the abuse Severus took for a long time. However, she, along with the rest of the school knew that it took place. Even if she hadn't heard rumours she would have been able to guess the cause of Severus's depression, not only from his actions and re-actions but from her own personal experience. She recognized the symptoms and wished that she could help him. But he was cold and distant as a survival mechanism. Besides, Bethany knew that he had eyes only for Lily and was saddened to see that her own advances never came to fruition.
The day that this all changed was the day that James Potter and his best friend Sirius Black took their bullying too far for Lily, by humiliating Severus outside in front of half the school. After starting a fight with Severus, James levitated him upside down in mid-air and magically pulled Severus's pants down exposing him to the crowd that had gathered to watch and encourage James on. Lily was appalled and told James to stop, so after a few moments of the power trip he did. Severus fell to the ground, still half undressed, and in consuming mortification. Enraged, he lashed out at Lily calling her a Mudblood and yelling that he didn't need or want her help.
Bethany, unaware of what was occurring, was drawn by her curiosity to the crowd she saw gathered. Before she reached the outskirts, she saw Severus above the heads of the people, upside down and naked from the waist down. She had no idea what was going on as she tried to push her way through the crowd to discover the cause of this. By the time she wriggled through, Severus had been dropped and was yelling at Lily as he adjusted his pants. Bethany saw James's wand out and heard his laughter.
Before she knew what she had done she had whipped out her own wand and disarmed Potter and Black immediately by saying, “Expelliarmus” twice. She quickly cast a hex on James calling out “Furnunculus.” It made huge boils begin instantly erupting all over his body. Everyone, including Severus, who was preparing for flight to some safe, solitary haven, was caught completely off guard by her actions. They had all been too busy concentrating on Severus to even notice Bethany break through the crowd and raise her wand. Suddenly all eyes, including Severus's, turned from James's new complexion to the source of the hexing spell. In a fury, Bethany lashed out at James with another weapon—her sharp tongue.
“How dare you, you soulless bastard!” she said in a fury. “Are you so insecure about the size of your own prick that you have to go around checking out other men's? It's only fair if you're going to do a comparison that you whip out your goods for all of us to judge you. Of course, I wouldn't like to see it now that it's all bubbling with festering pustules like the rest of you. I'd rather see it when it's back to normal so I can enjoy a good laugh instead of vomiting at the sight.”
Everyone was taken aback by her words. There was a mingling of laughter at her wit and disgusted faces at the thought of festering pustules on James's private places. Severus, who had been intent on getting away during this distraction, paused and looked back at Bethany's outraged face. Her wand was pointed at James's lackeys ready to counter a spell or fire off another one. Severus looked at James and saw the results of Bethany's spell along with James's baffled and pained expression. He also realized that no one was going to get involved, including Lily.
Everyone seemed not only shaken by Bethany's daring but also slightly scared. She was known to be a powerful witch for her age as well as quick and stubborn. Once, though Severus didn't yet know it, she had been on the receiving end of cruel humour. She had quickly armed herself with curses, hexes, and counter spells as well as using cunning to subtly revenge herself on her enemies so that they would know who did it but couldn't prove it. It didn't take long before her tormentors not only began to leave her alone but to actively avoid her. And though that was long ago, there were still some who remembered how she would not let anything stop her from revenging herself twice over on anyone who did her wrong.
Severus shook off his surprise at the turn of events rather quickly for he was still full of anger and shame. As he stumbled off to find someplace where he could brood alone, he remembered the short lull in the tide against him, when it had been turned against his worst enemy. Severus would always remember that for a few moments James had been the victim and the butt of the joke. He didn't know why Bethany had intervened for him, but he didn't intend to forget it. His appreciation was made all the stronger by the fact that the hex Bethany had put on James had to be taken care of by the school nurse. So the incident was brought to the teachers' attention.
Of course, James had a large group of friends who wouldn't rat him out for starting the whole incident by publicly degrading another student. So they backed up his story about how Bethany had a crush on James and was jealous of Lily but since James was not interested in Bethany, she lost control and hexed him. Bethany, not wanting to bring anymore attention to Severus's suffering, denied James's story, saying she was helping out a friend whom James was abusing. But since she would not reveal the name of the friend nor the nature of the abuse, compounded with the old marks on her record for blatant fighting, Bethany was sent to detention.
She served her sentence without a word. However, news did get back to Severus of what had happened and he began to see Bethany for the first time as a potential friend amid a sea of enemies. He thought about her standing up for him even when she was outnumbered. He remembered how everyone had cowered slightly at her rage. He knew she had protected his identity from the teachers. And he began to wonder how she felt about him now that she had been punished for avenging him. Severus found himself hoping that she was not angry with him now. But most of all, his thoughts began to dally with the way the light shone on her hair and the sparkle of her eyes.
Although he still thought of Lily and even went out of his way to apologize for calling her a Mudblood, she cut off all ties with him because of his fascination with the Dark Arts. Severus was devastated and began to see her as shallow for hanging out with and dating only the highest profile people. She also lacked something mysterious, something deep that could well up when needed, something a little bit ominous and dark like himself. Lily had also remained silent as James's told the lie which had landed Bethany in detention. Severus resented that, having believed that Lily was still his friend by asking James to stop his most recent torture. In the end, Lily had shut her mouth and sided against him for James, like always. He began to see that there was no hope of her ever thinking of him even as an acquaintance anymore. That strangely didn't seem to matter as much as he thought it would. For, now there was Bethany who had always been joyful around him, had smiled at him, had taken the rap for him, and thus had given him a grain of hope that a beautiful and intriguing girl might actually see something worthwhile in him.
The next time they had class together was for Transfigurations. When Severus came in, he had decided that he would sit next to her, if only so that he could whisper an apology for the trouble his rivalry had caused her. However, when he arrived in class, she was already sitting with two friends from Ravenclaw, one on each side of her, and they were chatting in that spirited way that girls often do which tends to unnerve boys. He ended up next to the friend on her left, so that at least he could look over at her from time to time. He lost his nerve to talk to her. She was already smiling and talking to the girl Severus sat next to. Still, he thought he saw her eyes turn from her friend for a moment to him and her smiled widened. The moment he was almost positive she was smiling at him, before he could react, she had dropped back into conversation and her eyes were on her friend again. Severus felt foolish. He should have smiled back. He should have turned away. He should have done anything other than stare at her blankly.
As class went on he kept glancing over at her. He felt like sighing. Severus so wanted to talk to her but had no idea what to say. During a particularly long furtive glance, Bethany seemed to feel his eyes on her and looked his way. He was caught, his eyes widened and he froze, unable to look away. She locked eyes with him for a few moments seeming to get a measure of him. Then she smiled shyly, seemed to blush, and looked back at her desk.
Severus's heart beat double time. He knew he should stop looking over at her after that but it was like a compulsion. She caught his gaze a second time. He felt his cheeks grow hot and wished he could close his eyes or look away but she held him captivated. She looked at him, smiling, for what seemed to be forever, then she winked. He turned his head away as a reflexive reaction, hiding his face with his hair. He was breathing hard, trying to settle his nerves. Without willing it, he found himself peering back at her through the strands of his ebony hair just to see what she was doing. To his surprise she was still watching him, her smile even broader. He couldn't help but to smile back through the veil of his hair. Her eyes sparkled, then her face turned red and she turned very quickly back to her work.
For the rest of the class, Severus beamed inside. He knew he didn't have another class with her until Potions the following day. He was looking forward to it, not only because he had decided to ask to be her partner but also because Potions was his best subject so he would feel more confident in that setting. When Transfigurations class dismissed he hurried to catch up with Bethany. Severus wanted to say he was sorry before Potions class, but there were just to many people around for him to feel comfortable talking about such a volatile issue. Plus, Bethany's friends were still with her. He gave up on the idea just as he was about to call out her name. As if she knew, she looked back and saw him with his mouth half-opened.
Her friends kept walking but she stopped and, looking demurely up at him, said in the most casual voice she could manage, “I really enjoyed class today. It was interesting, don't you think?”
Severus nodded and tried to stifle a smile.
This made her grin and she said, “Well, I guess I'll see you in Potions class tomorrow.” Bethany's two friends were calling for her to hurry. She turned away to say she was coming. Then turned back, “Well, I've got to go. Have a nice day, Severus.”
She had said his name before in Potions class when they were partnered together to ask him something trivial like to hand her an ingredient. But he hadn't really been paying attention back then and it had been in a technical context. This was on a personal level. He could tell by the way her voice trembled a little when she said his name. He felt he was lifted into the clouds. He managed to say goodbye and wave as she turned to go. He watched her all the long walk down the hall.
The next day he was early for Potions class. He picked the first table to sit at so Bethany couldn't choose a seat without passing him. Thankfully, she walked into Potions without an escort of friends. She was early too. Severus was able to catch her attention and asked, “Bethany, w-w-would you be my partner? That is if the professor has us pair up today.”
“Certainly, Severus,” she said said with a surprised smile that was more than such a question warranted. Bethany sat down right next to him and began readying her implements for the class.
Severus leaned over to her and whispered, “I'm sorry that you got in trouble . . .” he wanted to say 'on my account' but suddenly he wasn't sure that it was for him that she had done it. So instead he said “. . . for blasting that bloody Potter. A good show you did of it too. I'm just sorry that you had to take the fall when the issue was between him and me.”
She smiled and cocked her head. For a moment he feared she was going to say something like 'Never mind. It was worth it. I always hated that bloody Potter beating Ravenclaw at Quidditch.' Severus didn't know. The rumor about her jealousy of Lily might even be true. Ironically, she was jealous of Lily, but not over Potter's affections.
Bethany put her hand over Severus's and said, “There's no reason in the world for you to apologize for that. You didn't tell me to do it. Besides not only did I choose to do it, I chose not to tell the whole truth about it. They tried to frame me, but I could have gotten out of it if I had wanted. The whole ordeal was worth it to me.”
Severus didn't mean to ask, “But why?” However, her hand on his gave him a tingling courage that allowed his curiousity to flow.
“I wish you didn't have to ask that,” she said. “You ought to know.” She frowned a little and took her hand away.
He opened his mouth to ask her politely to tell him. But she had withdrawn her touch and smile. He was upset that she seemed disturbed. Severus knew she was fiercely loyal to her friends and he hoped that dedication might extend to him. She was also known not to tolerate injustice. So he went with that safer assumption.
“Is it because it was an unfair fight?” He hoped desperately it wasn't because she pitied him.
She gave him an almost sharp look as she glanced up at him again. “No,” she said as though she was trying to keep a tremor out of her voice. “Although, it was beyond unfair and I would have intervened to stop it on anyone's behalf. But I wouldn't have hexed the instigator with boiling pustules,” her voice was rising in exasperation, “and gotten myself into detention plus onto a watched list for underage witches who know hexes and curses they ought not know for just anyone.”
She shut her mouth abruptly and covered it with her hand as though she had accidentally uttered some great secret under the Imperius Curse. She was shaking slightly and her eyes were brimming. Severus had heard her say 'not for just anyone' and that filled him with a joy and a lightness he couldn't remember ever feeling before. But it dissipated quickly when he saw how distraught she had become. She turned her face away from him so that he wouldn't see a few tears fall.
Instinctively, he placed his hand protectively over hers and asked, “What's wrong? Please tell me Bethany, so that I can help make it better.”
She remained turned away from him for a few seconds, steadying her breath and wiping away her tears with her other hand. When she turned back to face Severus it was still obvious that she had shed tears.
“Let's just say I know how you feel, better than you think I do,” she said almost accusingly. “I've dealt with my share of bullies and gangs. I learned what I had to in order to keep myself safe and sane. But I got into a lot of trouble for my revenge because I did it openly. That was before I learned . . . more clever ways of dealing with enemies,” she said, her voice turning low and dangerous. “I've spent a long time working hard at school and making a positive reputation for myself to get those black marks of my record.” She lowered her voice, “And to get those eyes off of my back.” She paused, composing herself. “Of course, now I suppose I'm back where I started when I first came to Hogwarts, at least, as far as the old reputation with the professors is concerned. And they all think it's because I like that fool Potter! Damn that Lily!” She shut her mouth quickly. “I'm sorry I said that. I know how much you like her.”
Severus lowered his eyes. He was thinking of how Lily had helped ruin everything Bethany had built up to for the past several years. He was about to ask Bethany why she had let her reputation be tarnished.
Suddenly, Bethany broke out. “No! No, I'm not sorry I said it, not at all. Damn that Lily! She has been the source of my grief for years. And I can't hide it anymore. Oh, Severus! You don't even know why and that's the worst part of all!” She closed her eyes and a tear trickled down her cheek as she swallowed down all the others, almost choking.
“Tell me. Please. Tell me why.”
She shook her head vigorously, lips firmly clenched.
“Please,” he begged. Watching her being so upset was almost as bad as being tormented by Potter and his friends. He assumed that they had done something to her and that thought was unbearable. “I want to help. I don't like Lily like I used to. I've watched her more closely and I've noticed things about her, like how she seems nice but she really only is to her group of friends, and how she is snobbish about who she chooses as friends. She dropped me, a friend of several years, for that Potter boy. She won't even speak to me anymore. Now she has gotten you in trouble just to back her smarmy boyfriend. I guess you could say I'm seeing past the blinders I was wearing for so long.”
Bethany smiled a little at this, but she said, “Yet you still don't see.”
“What don't I see?”
Bethany let out a great sigh. She could hold her secret no longer. “The same thing you haven't seen for years.” Her lips trembled and she closed her eyes tight and admitted in a gush, “The way I feel about you.” She gave a deep sigh as if she had put down an age-old burden. Then she dared to open her eyes and look at Severus.
His face was a mask of astonishment. His eyes were wide and his mouth dropped open, saying nothing for many seconds. “The way you feel about me? I didn't know you felt anything about me.”
“I know,” she said in exasperation. Before he could ask why she hadn't said anything to him about it, she continued. “You were too wrapped up in Lily Evans to notice anyone else—the same way I was wrapped up in you. Not that I haven't had admirers. At least I notice my admirers. But even though I dated a few of them, it was only because I couldn't have you. I never told you directly because I was hoping you would notice me. But there wasn't room in your head for anyone but Lily.
“I gave you plenty of clues though, going out of my way to be acknowledged by smiling and saying hello every day, making sure we almost always ended up as Potions partners. There were glances; there were sighs. I tried to get you to talk to me about more than just classwork but you were so guarded. But I'm not stupid. I am not going to throw my heart on the chopping board for a man who not only barely notices my existence but also thinks he's in love with someone else.”
Severus covered his face with his hands and lowered his head to the table. Bethany could hear a muffled muttering. “How could I have been so stupid and blind? Just think of all the time I've wasted. I could have been happy.” He moaned. Then he lifted his head slowly. “I could have made you happy, or at least have tried.”
Bethany smiled at his slumping form. “Don't bury yourself yet. You're not dead. We're teenagers. We have the rest of our lives.”
“I'm so sorry,” Severus said. “I was hung up on Lily, but you didn't go unnoticed. I remember how you have always seemed pleased too see me. You made me feel the closest to normal that anyone at this school ever has. But you have to understand. That made me feel weird and suspicious. I didn't think any girl liked me. Just look at the way Lily and her friends treat me. If I knew I couldn't have a girl like Lily, I couldn't have dreamed of having a girl like you.”
Bethany blushed and looked down. Class was starting so they didn't have time to say anything else to each other. Still, Bethany reached her hand under the table and took hold of Severus's as the Potions professor began speaking. They held hands clandestinely until they had to let go to do their work. They kept smiling shyly at each other during the rest of class when they weren't talking or even occasionally laughing.
Lunch was after Potions and though they had to eat at separate tables, the Slytherin and Ravenclaw tables were at least side by side. The two sat on opposite sides of their tables so that they could look at each other and smile. Severus even received the occasional wink, which made his pulse race. After lunch, Severus asked Bethany to meet him after school out by a private grove of trees. She accepted.
When she arrived, he was waiting for her, leaning against a tree looking anxious. As soon as he saw her, his face changed. It was as if all his terrible past had been stripped away and his fortune had finally come to him. Bethany ran up and hugged him. Severus felt the soft, suppleness of her body against him and his eyes rolled because of the pleasure it brought him. She looked up into his eyes and he into hers. They didn't need words. Everything was revealed in their stare. Severus slowly lowered his head and Bethany inclined hers. Their lips met trembling and both of them sighed gently as Severus's hair veiled their faces. Then, they let their long pent up passions free and kissed sensuously and ardently for the very first time.
After the long, passionate kiss had released enough of the intensity that accompanies a prolonged and unfulfilled desire, it slowed to a soft caressing of the lips that implied an unspoken tenderness. After this gentle dalliance of the lips, the kiss ceased. However, their eyes remained closed and their mouths open, near enough to inhale each other's subtle breath. Finally, the couple opened their eyes, faces still pressed close together. Bethany batted her large, liquid eyes involuntarily, as if coming out of a deep trance. Severus, lips still parted, stared down into the rich blue of her eyes that now focused on him adoringly. His eyes were glossy, as though he had been enchanted, yet his gaze was intent on Bethany.
He noticed the pastel coloration of her skin which was flushed a few shades brighter than usual, the delicate features of her face, the gentle curve of her neck, the golden hair that tumbled around her graceful shoulders, and the pliant stance of her body as it leaned into his. She seemed so soft and trusting. Her arms were wrapped about his torso, her head now snuggling into his chest. Her weight, though small, languidly pressed against him. Severus kept one hand resting on her back, embracing her gently but firmly. The other hand instinctively moved to cradle the back of her head as she leaned against his chest. His fingers intertwined with her silken hair. He breathed a heavy sigh which shuddered with the release of so many negative feelings. It was if he was exhaling his past. His next deep inhalation was so full of hope, caring, excitement, and arousal that it wavered. He took several draughts of air, quieting his mind and body. This was necessary to control the physiological responses to his peaking emotions paired with the feeling of Bethany's soft, slender curvatures pressed against the length of his body. It was then that he felt her trembling slightly.
He pulled away from her a little to look into her quavering eyes. “What's the matter?” Severus asked, his voice filled with concern.
“Nothing,” she said and smiled, though her eyes were still tremulous. “I was just listening to the beat of your heart, the rhythm of your breathing, and feeling your strong arms clasping me to you. It reminded me how I had dreamed of such feelings and thought them hopeless for so long. Now, it seems, my daydreams have come true.” She sighed. “It's just a little overwhelming.”
Severus frowned. “If I hadn't been such a fool, we could have had this much sooner.”
“Hush,” she said, putting a slender finger to his lips. “No bad thoughts here. Not in this sacred space we have made. Only joy. Only solace.”
She craned her neck to reach his lips and fell to kissing him again.
They spent the rest of the day together walking the less traveled grounds of Hogwarts, talking, laughing, and holding hands. Bethany loved to hear Severus laugh. It was a new sound to her and she cherished the fact that she could make him cheerful. They spoke about their passions—his was potions and learning about the Dark Arts; hers was herbology and the study of magical creatures. They promised to shared their knowledge of these areas. They also talked of the dark times in their lives and how lonely they had been. This brought up the subject of hexes and curses, which they glanced over for now but would later exchange much information on.
Severus was greatly surprised at how much like his current social status she had experienced when she first came to Hogwarts. She was more independent and aloof back then than now. She had not gone along with the crowd and had taken a few moral stances against them. All of this led to her ostracization. Bethany hadn't really minded being out of the inner circle of popular people, so long as they left her alone. But they didn't. They went out of their way to harass her. She tried to shrug it off and go on with her life and the few friends she had. However, the taunting grew unbearable. Bethany retaliated. She admitted to Severus that she had always been a very vengeful person, though she tried to control it to keep herself out of trouble. However, once she had made up her mind not only to be on the defensive but also the offensive, she found herself in trouble with the professors. Despite this, she cured her problem with the other students who learned the hard way to respect her boundaries. They also began to fear her when she began using more subversive methods to punish her enemies.
Severus experienced a vicarious thrill hearing her talk the way that he thought. He admired her for taking the risk of expulsion to stand up for herself. Whenever he had tried to get the better of his enemies, events had always ended up turning against him, perhaps because he was outnumbered. Bethany said that the key was getting a rival alone or when they are not expecting it in a group. Severus loved the fact that this sweet, caring girl who now had so many friends understood the darkness of isolation and the status of an outcast. Thus she could understand and empathize with him.
He would have never have guessed about her dark past by the way she acted now. He wondered why he never heard rumours of her mistreatment. Then again, he had been so caught up in his own misfortunes he had paid little attention to anything beyond his own suffering. She had been a cypher back then and so only when she rose in social status did he notice her because she became more publicly visible. By that time, he was not only involved with hiding away to avoid his enemies but he had also fallen for Lily as more than a friend.
Now, his eyes were open to the beautiful but seemingly surreal possibility of having, not just any random pretty girl, but a girl as intelligent, savvy, compassionate, and understanding as Bethany care for him, perhaps maybe one day even love him. He almost dared not imagine it for fear of jinxing the possibility. Severus could certainly imagine loving her. Though, she didn't say it yet, Bethany felt the same towards him.
Life became easier for Severus in the following months. He spent most of his free time with Bethany in secluded spots around the school grounds. Though he was still jeered at by Potter and his friends, he was able to endure it easier knowing that he had an escape in Bethany's arms. He tried to ignore the other boys, but his new relationship was the topic of many cruel jokes. This made him more resentful but at least he had the evidence of a smart, lovely, popular girl liking him.
Once Potter tried to anger him by saying, “It's impossible that a girl like Bethany could like a greasy git like you. What did you do, threaten to curse her if she didn't date you? Or have you found a spell that made a double of her which has no brains or sense of discernment? That way she can't realize what a loser she's with. Where's the real Bethany, eh, Snivelus? Got her locked in one of those dungeons you like to slink about in? ”
This made the Severus's blood rise in his face. Then he remembered that he didn't have to prove anything and that's what was goading Potter. So Severus just smiled smugly.
“Your just jealous that I've got the better girl,” he said with a serpent's cunning, glancing condescendingly at Lily as he spoke. Lily looked hurt and turned her eyes to the ground but Severus didn't care. “Bethany can see you for what you really are—a spoiled, selfish bully, so insecure he has to go out of his way to insult people who are minding their own affairs. So Bethany won't even speak in your general direction except to hex you."
Severus continued, “Are you really so afraid that if a girl likes me, you—the illustrious Gryffindor seeker—aren't superior to me? Does that idea scare you, Potter? You can't be the hero in everyone's life story. In mine, your the villain and you're afraid of being conquered. Well, it's too late. You've tried your best to ruin my life. But I have what I need to make me happy and you can't take her away. So go ahead and cast your insults, cowering behind your crowd of friends. It just shows what you really are. I have better ways to spend my time than to start fights and I find it rather pathetic that you don't.”
Severus turned and strolled away. That was the most he had ever spoken in a single encounter with Potter in his life and his words were finally filled with confidence. Potter was virtually inconsequential if Severus chose him to be. He could only hurt Severus if Severus allowed him that power. He realized this and decided to consciously nullify everything Potter said or did. He had someone to say and do things to make up for the worst that Potter could do to him. Severus was in love and he decided it was time to tell Bethany how deep his feelings for her had become, despite how nervous the thought made him.
Severus met Bethany by the little grove of trees that had become their favorite hideaway. She greeted him with sparkling eyes, a warm embrace, and a luscious kiss. As she finally started to draw away from his lips, Severus pulled her to him kissing her more ardently than before. He didn't release her for a long time.
When he finally did, she asked, “What did I do to deserve that? Please tell me so I can make sure to do it again.”
“That was just for being the kind of girl that makes life worthwhile, despite all the bad in the world.”
She blushed, knowing how much that meant coming from such a pessimist.
“What brought that to mind?” she asked, sitting down and pulling him down on top of her.
He lay there looking down into her coy eyes. He felt the flame of lust mixed with love kindle in him. He wanted to kiss her again, probing her mouth deeply with his tongue as he ran his hands over her gentle curves. He wanted to bury his head in her breasts, kissing and fondling, or even just resting to listen to her heartbeat. But she had asked him a question and he wanted more than even those enticements to talk to her. So Severus rolled over and Bethany snuggled against him as he told her about his run in with Potter and company. Then he recounted how he himself had responded and what he had realized. She was silent for several moments.
Then she asked, “Did you really say that about me being the better girl, right to Lily's face?”
He smiled in the light of the westering sun. “Uh-huh,” he muttered and looked down at Bethany with glinting eyes. He saw that she was pleased and he wanted her to continue feeling that way so he added, “And she turned her face to the ground in shame, probably because she knows it's true.”
Bethany grinned widely. She reached over and kissed Severus on the lips with great tenderness. She was simply beaming at him when she withdrew her mouth.
“Bethany,” he said looking down at her snuggled against his chest. “I realized several things today. Not all of them have to do with Potter. One is very personal and special. It's something that I've known for a long time in my heart but my head must have gotten in the way . . . or my shyness.”
“There's no reason to be shy around me,” Bethany said. “You know you can tell me anything.”
Severus smiled because he knew it was true. Still he felt the words stick in his throat for a few moments. He was thinking and therefore worrying about her reaction. He decide to stop and look at her with his heart. He wanted the words to be perfect. When he looked down at her expectant, loving face, he found the words without looking for them. They slipped out of his mouth as smooth as silver.
“Bethany, oh My Beautiful Sweeting!” He paused and let his fingers trace her cheeks, slowly, like a man marveling at a masterwork sculpture. “I love you. You are my whole world. Without you all of life would be meaningless.”
Her eyes lit with surprise, then began to tear up. “Oh, Severus I love you too. I have for a while now, but I was uncertain... I was waiting for you to say it first.”
His heart swelled as though it would burst and a playful mood came over him. “Oh were you,” he said in a mock grumbling voice, tumbling her over so that she was pinned under him. She was giggling. “Knowing how shy I am and how at a loss for words I am around you sometimes? That wasn't a very loving thing to do.” She grinned and he tickled her so that she laughed harder. “So you thought you'd let me leap blindly off the cliff, eh?”
Her laughter subsided so that she could speak. She said in high, taunting tones, pressing her finger to his chest above his heart, “I thought you remembered. I'm shy around you too sometimes. So I gave you clues, just the same as when I first liked you from a distance. Besides, you're a man,” she said coquettishly, “you're supposed to chase after me, not the other way around.”
“Is that so?” he said bundling her even more into his arms and laughing.
“It's a fact,” she said. Then pretending to scold him she added, “You already made me admit that I liked you first. You can't very well have me making all the moves. You'll expect me to seduce you next and later propose. You'll just soak it all up, taking none of the risk, even though there may be none at all.” She said the last with a low and sultry voice. Though he knew she was playing, there was a seriousness to her words. His mind caught on the words 'seduce' and 'propose' and lingered. He noted the tone of invitation in them as though she were waiting on him with growing impatience. He certainly didn't dare propose yet, but seduce... well, that was different.
They had been dating a few months and had, of course, had intimate caresses. But he had never seen her naked, only kissed and fondled her bare breasts and let his hand stray down beneath her panties to give her sexual stimulation. However, her clothes had remained on. She had also touched his aroused member with her small, white, delicate hand moving deftly over his hardness until he had to make her stop before he climaxed. He did this because their rules were the same. Until they both discussed going further, both parties kept their pants on.
Neither one of them had ever gone further than this with anyone else and they both very much wanted every stage to be special. Now they were at a new stage, love, and he wondered what that meant for them sexually. He looked down at her inviting eyes and decided he had to do something. So he began to kiss her and then moved smoothly down her neck to her breasts. He moved his hands beneath her shirt and under her bra to play with her pert nipples. She sighed, her head lolling back and eyes fluttering. Soon her shirt and bra as well as his shirt were removed and they held each other bare-chested. Bethany liked to trace the lines of his tight muscles with her fingertips and tongue. Severus enjoyed running his open hands over her breasts and smooth abdomen, then slipping them down her sides to her pale waist.
For the moment, he was caressing and suckling her breasts until he was so hard he ached. He pressed himself between her thighs. She moaned at the sensation and pulled him nearer. He rubbed himself against her which seemed to give her great pleasure.
After a few minutes, she cooed, “I want more.”
Bethany was wearing a long skirt that day. She whispered into his ear as he looked down at her in surprise. “I think it's time the panties came off. Just foreplay though. I'm not ready to make love just yet. Although, I admit I impulsively want to.”
Here she nibbled on his ear which made him groan. Then she kissed him sensuously. His thoughts split in two for a moment. One part contemplating the excitement of what was to come. The other made a quick mental note. If she was anywhere near ready to have sex with him, he'd better hit the lab soon to look up and make a potion so she wouldn't get pregnant. In a few seconds, his mind was one again, concentrating totally on her and this moment.
Severus kept kissing her hotly and moving his pelvis against hers as he put his hand on the bare calf of her bent left leg which was almost wrapped around him. He felt a liquid joy as he slid his hand up along the leg, beneath her skirt, over her the subtle curve of her thigh and caught hold of her panties. He began to pull down slowly on that side but soon needed his other hand to finish the job. His body was pressed so firmly against hers, that he could not do it without leaning away from her slightly. He let his hands grope up over her bare ass, so round and tight. He grabbed a handful of soft skin and squeezed, then massaged with gentler pressing motions. All the time he was breathing in the fragrance of her neck as she clung to him. He alternated between nibbling her ear with his lips and gently nipping with his teeth. As much pleasure as these feelings gave her, they served as an aphrodisiac for him as he was inundated with the pheromones of her arousal.
Her panties were just barely pulled down. Now, he was really excited and wanted to rip them off. But he respected her too much to do the slightest violent action while they were in such an intimate moment. He wondered as he took hold of the petite piece of fabric what color it would be. She had a rainbow of colors in cotton, all lovely. But sometimes she wore sheer silk, pure lace, or satin accented with something like a bow, a miniature heart, or a flower. Often she wore ones with prints ranging from leopard to blossoming roses. He was always aroused by the sight of whichever ones she had chosen because, so far, that was all he had gotten to see. But today was different. He would look at the panties out of curiosity on this momentous occasion. However, he was far more interested in what was about to be revealed to him.
Severus slid Bethany's panties down her legs until at last they were free. In the setting sun, he could see that they were satin with lace trim and had delicate blue roses printed on them. He sighed in reaction to their dainty femininity and to the alluring scent of her wetness already on them.
He breathed in the aroma which he had never been so powerfully close to before. It made the blood pulse fiercely in his veins so that he could hear the swooshing of it in his ears. He felt lightheaded for a moment. Once this had passed, he set Bethany's panties to the side and began to slowly bunch her skirt as he pushed it up. She looked at him with a piercing light in her eyes and a mischievous smile all the while.
Finally, he threw back the veil of garment between him and her and saw for the first time the seat of her power as a woman. It was beautiful and compelling in a way that nothing else ever had been. Though his reaction was primal, he couldn't help but appreciate the aesthetics of her femininity. There was a little triangular wedge of hair which he knew to be soft as silk. It caught golden fire in the dying sun. Then there was the soft flesh below, pink mounds that he already knew to separate with his fingers in order to find his way to the little round button that he knew gave her so much pleasure. He had never found the opening to the mysteries within her using his searching fingers because her garments had been too constricting. Now, he was eager to explore the hidden folds of her sex.
He began by running his fingers languorously over her soft nether hair, then letting his fingers trace the lips that were the doors to a world of pleasure. He skimmed them and she shivered. Then he began to rub in circles on the soft skin. When she sighed, he pressed harder and the bud of her exotic flower began to open. He moved from sitting, watching her face and her breasts as they rose and fell with her heavy breathing to lying so that his face was close to her femininity. That way he could look intently at his work. Luckily, the last rays of the day were lingering. More than just seeing the outer layer of her petals open, he was moved by the tangy yet sweet odour that emanated from her. He was dallying with her clitoris, rubbing lightly then more firmly around and around, alternating between up and down and side to side. Suddenly, he had the overwhelming desire to taste her. He wanted to lick and suck the essence of her womanhood the way he did her breasts. He bent down and kissed the mildly quivering flesh.
Then he cocked his head and looked at her. “May I?” He asked, making a lapping motion with his tongue.
She nodded, eyes looking almost drugged with the thought of that pleasure.
Severus bent his head down again and breathed in the aroma which was so intoxicating. He lapped the outside of her lips and heard her give a surprised but pleased sound deep in her throat. He licked and toyed with the outside because he wanted to cover everything thoroughly. Though in truth, he was dying to taste her and she was dying to let him. He parted her lips by sliding one finger down between them. She shuddered. Then he used two fingers to part her outer petals and reveal her most sensitive spot. He did not dive into it at once but rather licked the inside of her lips delicately, tasting a hint of her tangy flavor. He moved around, his lips and and tongue circling ever closer to her primary pleasure center. When he finally reached it, he began lapping with his soft, warm tongue.
Bethany had never felt such pleasure from another person in her life, especially once Severus began to really get into his work. He ran his tongue in a point over and over her clit so that his tongue was stiffer and could give her more sensation. He noticed the hood and, remembering anatomy, pushed down on either side, thus lifting and exposing a stark reddening bud, now more sensitive than ever. He began licking sharp and pointedly. She moaned and rocked her pelvis a little in time with him. Then he began to suckle very gently. Bethany had to stifle a scream by biting her hand.
“Too hard?” he stopped to ask with concern.
She shook her head wildly. “Perfect,” she gasped. The she pleaded softly, “Maybe a little harder. I think I'm close.”
That was more than enough encouragement for him. He had never been able to do that for her because of the awkward positioning caused by getting around and under her clothing. Now, he was in the perfect position. He nibbled playfully but earnestly at her clit with his lips and then began to suck again, this time letting his tongue roll around over it while he suckled on her little mound as though it were a nipple. Bethany was panting now, rocking spasmodically into a half-sitting position as the waves of seemingly unendurable pleasure increased. Her eyes were shut tight when she was in the grip of the exultant sensations. However, they often opened to roll backwards. She seemed to be gritting her teeth and looked almost as if in agony.
Yet, she occasionally punctuated the noises she made in her throat with encouragement, saying breathlessly, “Yes, yes. Oh, that's it. Just like that. A little more. I think... I think I'm going to...”
By the time she got around to that phrase, Severus knew what he must do—increase the intensity ten fold. So he sucked harder, pulling her shy bud completely out of it's shell, and still sucking, ceased licking and suddenly pressed his teeth lightly down upon her lust-swollen mound. She screamed, an obvious cry of surprise and pleasure. He kept releasing then grabbing gently with his teeth as he licked the very tip of her clit rapidly with his tongue. She moaned and fell back on the ground, the convulsions of her orgasm rocking her body in wave after wave of rapture. Severus rode out her spasms, feeling the bud in his mouth contract, then release, over and over again. At first he was still intense, but Severus was attuned to her body and knew she couldn't remain at the peak forever. So after her last big shudder he lightened up and brought her slowly down, until the paroxysms died out completely, leaving her merely trembling in the aftermath.
Severus kissed her lightly on her quivering, downy-covered mound. His mouth and chin were wet from her excitement and final release. The potency of her smell now was almost maddening. He looked at her as she lay open to him and saw that her inner lips had parted to reveal the mouth of the tunnel leading to the deepest part of her essence. It was wide and yawning now that she had been aroused and satisfied. It seemed almost as if she weren't sated and her body was begging to be filled in the most natural way that a man could. Oh, and how he yearned to! He was captivated by the inviting opening that seemed to beckon him. He felt the tension in his pants, so hard now he felt as though he might burst through the seam.
However, he knew Bethany was exhausted for the moment and being satiated would want to bask in the satisfying glow of arousal fulfilled. It was too soon to start with her again. She would be very sensitive now and he might even cause her pain if he continued his exploration of her secret spots. So he laid down next her, watching the flush leaving her face.
Bethany's breathing was slowing. She seemed a little drowsy but maybe she was still half-way in bliss.
He kissed her once lightly. Then he repeated more tenderly and this time gently pried her mouth open with his tongue. She gave him back a long, lazy kiss. When he pulled away, her eyes were closed. They opened in a dreamy state.
She whispered, “I love you,” and cradled his cheek in her hand. Then a spark seemed to light in her and she said, “That was wonderful.” She rolled her head back on the grass and sighed, stretching out her arms like a person just awakening from sleep.
Severus whispered almost inaudibly, “It was my honour.”
Continued in Chapter 2
A Life of Love - I. First Time - Chapter 1
Next Story:A Life of Love - I. First Time - Chapter 2
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